When we think of people going mad, the mental images of their insanity can manifest in a million different ways.
We might picture the tortured soul giggling, huddled in a corner, with eyes devoid of coherent thought. We could envision someone enraged and mercilessly searching for their next victim to mutilate. And sometimes, we imagine them simply closing in on themselves, shutting out the world, and stowing away any of the traits that made them “normal.”
Well, my internal monologue went mad this past weekend.
It’s not the first, and I’m certain, it won’t be the last time this happens, but my inner voice took a long walk off the short pier of reason.
After three weeks of battling a sinus infection that morphed into bronchitis and then into a “touch” of pneumonia, I was already feeling pretty run down. After being told, “You should be better” and “It’s been three weeks. You think you’d be over it,” by two people that I love, I felt even worse.
As the day wore on, I found myself home alone. In my efforts to be a valuable member of our home and society, I did some dishes. As I scrubbed the dishes, the dark thoughts kept washing over me.
“Do they think I enjoy not being able to breathe?”
“It might just be better if I DID stop breathing.”
“Seriously, if I just gave up, at least my coughing and nose-blowing wouldn’t annoy them anymore.”
The thoughts went on and on. The dishes got done. The floor got swept. I was out of breath, depleted of energy, and maybe just a little bit angry.
My inner monologue had gone mad.
What did I do?
I decided to write about it.
Surely, someone else out there has felt this way, too. Isn’t admitting you have a problem the first step to finding a solution?
I had to go to the one place that I knew my inner voice could get off her crazy horse.
I needed to connect with people who know and love me, or who maybe don’t know me, but who know how it feels to have an insane, inner voice manipulating their outlook.
Intentergy was my remedy to rerouting those nasty thoughts.
I know Intentergy can be hard to say, but it is easy to understand.
Intentergy is energy with positive purpose, and writing this post was the most positive purpose I could give my tired mind. Sharing my thoughts and being honest about how down I felt was the healthiest way I could lift myself up. If others knew how I felt, maybe they could relate.
If others related to my message, maybe we all would feel a little less disjointed and a whole lot less mad.
We can’t always stop the crazy train from running away with our thoughts, but we can get off at the next stop. The BEST part about that next stop is that we get to decide when we have arrived there. We have the power to put on the brakes, disembark, and move to first-class-feeling-better-about-ourselves. WE are the only ones who can punch that ticket.
When your internal monologue goes mad, YOU can silence that voice. Turn down the volume on the words of negativity and tune yourself to be a receiver of all that is good, positive, and deserving of your amazing self. Intentergy happens when you make a conscious decision to recognize the positive aspects of your life and appreciate all the reasons you are needed and have purpose. So go ahead and wash the dishes. Do whatever clears out the angry vibes. Tell your inner voice, “It’s going to be okay,” and find yourself blaring with a better attitude.
By: Melanie A. Peters
P.S. I don’t know about your inner monologue, but mine tends to swear a little bit.
Intentergy 