Category Parenting

Don’t Forget You’ve Got It

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In order to maintain my status as “Meanest Mom Ever,” I assign chores to my children. One of the most frequent tasks assigned is that of unloading and reloading the dishwasher. In response to their frequent whining about the task, I, in true “seven miles up hill, both ways, in the snow” fashion, sadly lament that I didn’t have a dishwasher growing up.

If grumbling continues, I remind them of when our last dishwasher died and we went weeks without one. To emphasize the experience, I will start filling the sink with hot, soapy water and invite them to go ahead and wash the dirty dishes by hand. I encourage them to dry those dishes AND put them away, IF they can’t find the energy to take care of the fully functional dishwasher. (It’s child abuse at its finest.)

The other day, I found myself in need of one of these “Don’t forget you’ve got it” reminders as well. Everywhere I walked in my house, I noticed things begging for my attention. Too much laundry to fold, too many floors in need of sweeping, too much mail to sort, and more sticky notes with stuff to do than I could muster the strength to tackle. It was truly a first-world crisis.

To distract myself from the despair of too much to do, I did what any normal human would do. I chose to scroll through Facebook. One of the very first posts that popped up in my feed was from Ms. Sunshine. I love her posts because they are always short, sweet, and uplifting. That particular day, her message was a bullseye to my heart, reminding me that I had way too much to be grateful for.

Each and every day, we have blessings and burdens laid at our feet. Their significance is determined by how much power we give them through our actions and intentions. Do we remember to go heavy on the thanks, or do we overload our focus with our problems?

I felt like someone turned on the hot, soapy water in the sink for me and said, “Are you gonna clean your attitude up the hard way? Or are you going to take full advantage of your abilities to make a difference?”

After sharing Ms. Sunshine’s post, I put down my mind-zapping, cellular device and got back to getting things done. Later that night (after my attitude and house were cleaner), I revisited my Facebook feed and was pleasantly surprised to see how many of my friends “liked” and shared the Ms. Sunshine post.

Maybe they all needed a “Don’t forget you’ve got it” reminder, too, or maybe their purpose for the day was to broadcast that reminder to others. Any which way, gratitude got some attention, and attitudes got some adjusting.

Here’s your Intentergy positive purpose for today: Go heavy on the “Thank you, God, for everything” and remember that you have an abundance of tasks, chores, and opportunities available to dedicate some energy towards. You’ve got so much going for you that the possibilities may seem overwhelming. There are tons of people out there cheering for you. The world is full of resources, energy, education, and joy. The key is: Don’t forget you’ve got it all at your disposal.

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. No children or dishes were harmed in the unloading or reloading of the dishwasher, and a little hand washing won’t hurt anyone.

P.P.S. At least we have running water and soap to clean the plates that had been covered in healthy, delicious food.

Too Much Cake and Other First-World Problems

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Between January 7th and February 18th, my family celebrates 14 birthdays. You read that right, 14 BIRTHDAYS. Within that window of time, two of my best friends revel in the anniversary of their births as well. This adds up to a lot of birthday cake and other first-world problems.

So while in a sugar coma, I pondered all the problems that come along with so much celebrating.

First, I had to clean my house because people might recognize that we live here between birthday parties.

Second, I was forced to shop for gifts to bestow upon the birthday boys and girls within days of another fairly large holiday (Darn Christmas!).

Third, the NOISE. Sleepovers, trampoline parks, an excited dog, and a basement full of party-goers produced a lot of noise.

Will someone please make their birthday wish for tranquility?

Despite my tragic first-world fiascos, I want to just say that I am grateful for a home to share with others and all the laundry, dishes, food, papers, books, toys, and electronic cords that pile up.

I am exceptionally thankful for the humans who drag all the laundry, dishes, food, papers, books, toys, and electronic cords through my home. They provide purpose and subjects to smother with love and attention.

The NOISE.

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Feeling Not-So-Smart???

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A huge portion of the time I feel like my family doesn’t think I’m smart enough to wipe my own butt. (If you have teenagers, you know.) Even more often I believe the people I encounter in daily life think I’m a cheeseburger short of a Happy Meal. Why is that?

Do you ever feel this way?

Even though we have immediate access to infinite information at our fingertips, we all seem to doubt our own ability or the ability of others to have a lick of sense. We have all developed complexes that make us feel either too smart for our own good or too dumb to function.

There’s nothing smart about either of those mindsets and it makes me want to borrow the words of Stewart Smalley from Saturday Night Live, “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And, doggone it, people like me.”

I want to get to the point where I can confidently say, “Shut up, insecurity. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I’m just as guilty as the next guy for using knowledge to puff up my self-esteem in certain situations and act like a know-it-all. (I always want to kick myself later for being snotty.) There’s something to be said for admitting we don’t have all the answers and even more to lifting others up for the knowledge and skills they possess.

It’s important to value the intelligence of individuals and recognize that it’s our unique knowledge and skills that make the world go round. If you aren’t feeling like the brightest crayon in the box, it’s okay. Broken crayons still color and can be molded to make a difference that lightens any situation.

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Snowflake Problems – Monthly Positivity Challenge

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Just like snowflakes, no two problems are the same. The good thing about snowflakes and problems is that they can both be temporary and lead us to witness beautiful things.

For the January Positivity Challenge, let’s think of our problems as snowflakes and let the chill of worrying about our misfortunes melt away. We can celebrate the fact that they are temporary and can be unexpectedly beneficial.

For Christmas, Hubby and I decided to take the kids on a vacation instead of giving them “stuff.” We were excited to share with them the gifts of time and experience. When we announced our plans two weeks before Christmas, their reactions were nowhere near what we expected. Our 11-year-old was full of questions about how much soda he could drink on the trip. The 13-year-old was like, “Yeah, I’ll go, but I’d rather go somewhere else.” The 16-year-old left the dinner table in tears because she could not believe we would force her to go somewhere with us without her friends.

Despite their less-than-eager reactions, the trip was booked and our sweet minions took their first-ever flight on Christmas morning. The kids complained about the early hour of our departure, but because of our timing, they got to witness a brilliant sunrise while on their first-ever flight. ❄️ #1

On Christmas morning there were not a lot of restaurants open, this was a problem because everyone was STARVING. When we finally found an IHOP open, we were seated in a corner booth and everyone had something fancy and delicious to eat. The holiday-themed decor, music, menu, and our festively dressed server made the meal feel like we were in a Hallmark Chrismas movie. ❄️#2

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Sadly Easy to Forget

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My brave, talented friend Heather has decided to pursue a new career by going back to school to become a massage therapist and esthetician. Because I am such a good friend, I booked an appointment for a massage and facial to help Heather earn her service hours. (My booking had nothing to do with a selfish desire for a massage.)

During my massage, Heather and I talked about how important it is to take care of ourselves, but how often we fail to do so. When she massaged my shin, I said, “Oh my goodness! That hurts. I forgot it was so sore.”

In a very sympathetic voice, Heather said, “Sadly we hurt for so long sometimes that we forget about it and accept the pain as part of our day.”

Wow! That hit my heart.

We do allow ourselves to become dulled to physical and emotional pain in many situations and it is sad.

When my son was two, he suffered from frequent ear infections. When the doctor finally decided it was time for tubes in his ears, we were relieved. Hopefully, our boy would be freed from his ear pain.

Following the surgery, we started to notice him talking more and becoming increasingly verbal. It was not until we took him out to see our cows that we realized how much he was missing out on before the tubes.

Our boy LOVED the cows. He would moo loudly every time he saw a cow along the road or at the farm, but this time, when the cows started bawling, he covered his ears and cried because they were so loud. He had never heard them moo at true volume because his ears had been so congested. We never knew what he was missing out on and forgot the limitations that his blocked ears created.

Is there a pain in your life that you have accepted as something to ignore or forget?

There are many sources out there for helping heal from physical injury or past emotional abuse, but I thought it would be helpful to share a source on how to let go of the past. These lessons can be applied to physical and emotional pain in lots of ways.

According to “How to Let Go of the Past: 8 Ways to Move On,” there are eight basic ways to seek out relief from pain.

1. Question your comfort zone.
2. Let it out.
3. Take accountability.
4. Make space for the new.
5. Prioritize yourself.
6. Focus on the lessons.
7. Accept what you can’t change.
8. Seek help.

I won’t go into detail with each of these steps, but I can tell you there is relief ready to be found with releasing the aches that you let go on for too long. I love the idea of finding your comfort zone first because if you are too comfortable with accepting what hurts you, you will never make the changes necessary for it to go away. I also appreciate the step where we are challenged to prioritize ourselves. It goes back to when Heather and I discussed how easy it is to let our self-care go by the wayside. We need to relocate our priorities and find ways to identify why we hurt and make healing those pains a priority. Here is a link to the full article from psychcentral.com.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-past-and-hurt

I challenge you to think about a physical ache or a hurtful memory that has worn you down into forgetting the source of the pain. Put energy into healing that hurt, focus on what that pain has taught you, and seek the help you need to correct your problem or build the skills to be pain-free. Don’t let the ease of accepting a painful situation, because you just don’t want to think about it, be the frame of mind that you find yourself in each day. Put purpose in remembering what it is to feel good and forget about allowing yourself to feel bad.

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. Be selfish get yourself a massage or facial. I know a great gal to call.

Works Cited

“How to Let Go of Past Hurts: 8 Ways to Move On.” Psych Central, 29 Aug. 2022, psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-past-and-hurt.

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Monster Hissy Fit

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Hissy fits are a fantastic part of life.

They turn outings to the grocery store into memorable outbursts of embarrassment and feelings of parenthood failure.

Recently, one of my little buddies invited me to play monster trucks with him, I got lucky enough to pick up the Monster Truck called Hissy Fit. Upon discovery of that serpent-covered Hot Wheels, a traffic jam of memories rolled through my mind. The memories included meltdowns manufactured by my children, students, and even some of my own personal hysterics.

Do you ever feel like you have been hit by a monster hissy fit?

The hissy fit doesn’t have to come from a loved one.

The fit can sneak up on you from within.

I know that I have lashed out at my unsuspecting husband and children when they had no idea the emotion truck was about to roll into our house. It may have been stress from that day or lack of sleep from the previous nights, but I know I have made a demolish derby out of basic dinner conversation a time or two.

Not too long ago, when I was innocently teasing my daughter, she took her own emotional detour, and painfully for me Hubby turned with her. I was blindsided by their accusations that I always intentionally aggravate her. It hurt and left me shattered inside.

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Mustard-Seed Moments

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Daily I complete what feels like a zillion, small tasks in hopes of making a significant difference in the lives of those around me. I put a whole lot of faith in the belief that I am doing the right things as a parent and wife and accomplishing all the roles God calls me to fill. Most of the time, I do not experience the euphoria of success, in particular when it comes to being a parent.

My kids torture one another. My little darlings fight over the MOST RIDICULOUS things. They forget stuff I consider important, like homework or chores. They treat our home as if is their personal dumpster to discard shoes, socks, food wrappers, soda bottles, and empty cups wherever they please. It is enough to make this mama’s heart hurt and ask, “Lord, am I doing anything right?”

In Matthew 17:20, when the disciples weren’t sure if their faith was enough, Jesus reassured them by saying, “…Amen, I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” (New American Bible).

All too often, I feel like saying, “Lord, I’ve got all kinds of seeds planted. When am I gonna move those mountains?”

I guess we have to consider what a “mountain” looks like because sometimes they aren’t as big as we expected in the beginning.

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The Circus Isn’t Going Anywhere – Wise Words Wednesday

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“You can get the monkey off your back, but the circus never leaves town”

― Anne Lamott, Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith

Recently, I stopped at a gift shop in hopes of finding a special present for my niece. It was a normal errand on a typical day, and I was pretty excited about the task. All of a sudden, a voice from my past called my name (literally). It was not a voice I expected or wanted to hear. The projector of the voice was someone who caused a lot of embarrassment and insecurity for me in the past.

I responded with a smile and answered all the questions thrown at me about my life now. Fortunately, I had to pick up my son from practice, so I said my goodbyes and got the heck out of there. The rest of my evening was filled with monkey mind memories swinging from one hurtful remembrance to another.

You know the type. The memory that pops up at 2:00 a.m. when you can’t shut your brain off or the voice across the room that causes your stomach to drop (not in a good way). Some memory monkeys are rabid and never stop attacking your thoughts, while others are sneaky and shimmy into your day without you realizing and then you, all of a sudden, are in full-on “can’t think about anything else mode.”

Here’s the good news. With time, forgiveness, and grace, we can pry those memory monkeys off our proverbial backs and send them packing.

Here’s the bad news. You can get the monkey off your back, but the circus never leaves town.

Anne Lammot wrote these wise words in her book, Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith, when I read this I knew Anne was on to something.

When we do find the strength to move forward, it seems like that pesky memory monkey always finds a way to pop up in our day, whether it be in our thoughts or in the checkout line. The “circus” could be the result of living in a small town or the fact that your mind is its own three-ring extravaganza of emotions and you are the head clown.

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A Big Butt Goodbye

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Teaching kids about death is one of the trickiest tasks parents face. I believe we can help kids through the tough lessons in life by allowing them to be an active part of the grieving process. This invites our children to voice their individual ideas for coping and moving on after a loss. Sometimes we can find inspiration, comfort, and joy in the contributions of our kiddos while experiencing times of sadness.

My friend Mandy shared one particular experience that occurred when her son and daughter were younger. Their family had a kitten that was born with severe defects in its spine. The kids named the kitten Joey. As Mandy retold the tale, Claire interjected that the kitten had a really big butt. As kittens with severe defects will do, Joey crossed over the rainbow bridge to pet heaven soon after he was born.

When it came time to bury Joey, Liam asked what they were supposed to do at a cat funeral. Mandy wracked her brain and said, “I think we share the good memories we had with Joey and sing songs or say things that remind us of the happier times with him.”

Liam told Joey he would always remember carrying him around and playing with him every morning. Liam would never forget sweet Joey. When it came time for Claire to speak, she chose the happiest song she could think of and in her tiny toddler voice busted out, “I like big butts and I cannot lie…”

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How Did the Holy Family Figure It Out?

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It’s crazy how often we find ourselves praying for one thing and then the words of someone we love or respect smack us right upside the head with the truth about what we need in place of what we thought we wanted. This past Sunday, I entered church in a very snippy mood. My children had aggravated me to the point I was not feeling very faithful. I kneeled in the pew and prayed for God to help me handle my little heathens.

It just so happened that this Sunday was the feast of the Holy Family and the readings were about what God asked of Mary and Joseph, how Mary held all the worries and wonders in her heart, and how Jesus grew smart, strong, and full of grace. Our priest Father Tony is one of the most relatable pastors we could ever ask for. He started his homily by speaking on how happy it made him to see the way our community always comes together and the work we do to raise our children well. He went on to say that he knew not all families were made the same. He mentioned the “nuclear” families, the blended families, the families made up of grandparents raising grandchildren, foster families, and any variety of “dysfunctional” families possible. He told us of his estranged brother and how it hurt him to think of his brother’s decision to remove himself from their lives.

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