Have you ever loved someone enough to stand in front of a crowd of family, friends, and coworkers and bash that person? Have you shared stories of their failures, personal problems, and, most likely, their greatest insecurities?
Well, I have.
Did it feel good?
It absolutely did.
What is wrong with me?
Nothing.
What’s wrong with my little sister?
Apparently, a lot of things.
To celebrate my sister reaching a monumental age, my brother-in-law planned a Toast and Roast.
He invited guests to gift my sister with sarcasm, trash talk, and general degradation of her character.
It was phenomenal!
Who knew that slander and verbal abuse could bring people together in such a glorious light?!?
After the roasters had laid out their lines of laughable insult, the birthday girl was given a turn to bash them back.
As my sister took the stage, I was slightly fearful that the roasts had burned a little too deep. She walked up and said, “This was the weirdest birthday party I’ve ever had, so, uh, I guess, thanks?”
Before she could formulate her rebuttal, my sister asked for the list of speakers. She didn’t want to leave anyone out. While we all had time to come up with our trash talk, she was expected to dish out the dirt on her dearest friends without any warning. Her insults were half-hearted and had much less muster behind them than gratitude. It was fascinating to watch this normally witty woman reduced to pitiful attempts at verbal abuse, blanketed with bland comebacks, and a repeated evaluation of how “weird” the party was. The love and appreciation were obvious, even though we had just spent two hours mocking the woman of honor.
Have you ever considered the role of trash talk in your healthiest relationships?
Has the frequency of friendly banter and playful putdowns ever been a measuring stick for the depth of your connection with someone?
Has trash talk ever equaled love for you?
I can tell you that my healthiest relationships are the ones where we are comfortable enough to make digs at the things that might seem dark and laugh at the lunacy of our lives without losing the security that comes from unconditional acceptance.
Words are powerful. It’s never healthy to intentionally hurt someone you care about by reliving their embarrassments or highlighting their shortcomings. Rehashing problems or fears with friendly ribbing followed by suggestions for solutions and why you love them can be therapeutic. Remember, loving someone enough to talk trash in a teasing way shows a level of comfort that can lift us up when life has us feeling low.
Here’s your Intenergy challenge for today: Remember, trash talk can equal love. Think about your best trash-talking friends, the ones who make you feel loved (despite your faults) through the ways they make you laugh. Reach out to them. Tell them thanks for being your support with their silliness and sarcasm, or for finding ways to be an uplifting “jerk” when you need joy. Make sure to be genuine with your gratitude and include just a touch of your own trash talk, so they know the admiration is mutual, even if they aren’t perfect. 🙂
By: Melanie A. Peters
P.S. P.P.S. I don’t know if I could have handled all the “love” that was showered on my sister at the roast as well as she did. Little sis, you showed some powerful grace. Obviously, you are one cool chick because there was some serious love shown in all that smack talk.
P.P.S. I am the funnier sister.
Intentergy 