Category Slow Down

All Full Up – New Perspective on Boundaries

Intentergy 2 Comments

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are by Lysa TerKeurst screamed, “Read me!” from the shelves at the bookstore, library, and in my Amazon “Something you might like” recommendations. I added it to my WTR list and after a particularly disheartening week, I thought I’d give it a listen while Ubering the kids around. Yup, Amazon was right. I do like it.

I’m grateful I chose to listen to the audio version because hearing the words from Lysa TerKeurst’s actual voice made the message much more authentic and relatable, but it’s the words that have my heart aching for healthier ways to set boundaries for those I love and myself.

The crazy thing is that it took nearly to the end of the ninth chapter in a twelve-chapter book for my desperate self to realize my real problem. It’s not the expectations of others that fuel my need to establish boundaries. My issue is that I’m trying to build boundaries from the wrong end of the emotional gas gauge. I am full up on obligations while running on empty when it comes to inspiration, self-worth, and time.

Before listening to Lysa’s narrative, I believed that creating boundaries between myself and others could cause me to fail as a Christian. I thought refusing to give of myself as Christ did resulted in others not needing or appreciating me, and the best way to feel accepted and helpful was to run myself into the ground fulfilling the expectations of others. (If I’m killing myself to help, they will see my efforts and love me more, right?!?)

Continue reading “All Full Up – New Perspective on Boundaries” →

A Wet Garden All to Ourselves

Intentergy 1 Comment

In September, my friend Rachel and I planned a girls’ trip around a few doctor appointments. We booked a hotel room and made exciting plans to attend the last home game for the St. Louis Cardinals and visit the Missouri Botanical Gardens.

The Cardinals’ game was a win and the weather was perfect. That night we enjoyed watching football and relaxing in our hotel room, but when we woke the next morning Mother Nature had experienced a mood change and it was pouring rain.

Who wants to walk around a botanical garden in the rain?

Well, I guess we did.

The guy who sold us our entry tickets said we probably wouldn’t get to see much of the gardens without getting wet. We thanked him, took our visitor’s map, and headed out hoping to walk between the drops.

We quickly found refuge in one of the coolest greenhouses ever. Inside its walls were some of the most fascinating plants with the coolest names.

(This is the greenhouse I’m going to ask Hubby to build for me.)

We discovered plants that are on the brink of extinction, including one called the “Fine Lady.” Rachel and I decided that they may have named this plant after us because we are definitely a rare breed.

How does a “Fine Lady” end up on the list of Endangered Plants?

She’s “fine” after all. Maybe there IS something wrong with being just “fine.”

There were some seriously exotic plants, like the Buddha’s Hand. It was kind of creepy, and I really kind of want one.

As we enjoyed checking out the foliage and fruits of the first greenhouse, the rain let up. We made our way through the rose garden and around the waterlily ponds without having to share the space with a single other soul.

We had the beautiful, but wet, botanical gardens all to ourselves.

Before the rain returned, we decided to find the Climatron. It was advertised as the highlight of the gardens and a completely enclosed rainforest environment.

The Climatron was amazing! The rainy weather had woken all of the plants and they put on a most brilliant display. The thought and effort put into creating The Climatron forest were inspiring and we witnessed countless moments of organic beauty as we wondered its paths. I guess we really were the kind of people who wanted to walk around a botanical garden in the rain.

While the weather changed our plans and the plants made us feel small, the experience made a big impact on how we were able to spend our time. Our stroll through the gardens was comfortable, unrushed, and without distraction from anyone else. If we had given up on our plans because of the rain, we would have missed out on such a unique experience.

We took a chance, despite the weather, and it paid off.

We didn’t settle for “It’s fine; we don’t have to go,” and our visit was a vibrant experience that not a lot of people got to see that day.

I encourage you to do the same. Take a chance. Make a plan. Stick to your plan. Enjoy all you witness and know that your unique escapade has enriched your life.

Put some energy into planning something beautiful and I’m certain your purpose will be rewarded, maybe soggy, but rewarded in some very cool ways.

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. Does anyone have blueprints for that greenhouse? Hubby is going to need them.

Fine ladies (Not Endangered) under a waterfall in the Botanical Garden.

Tears Aren’t Going to Clear My Plate

Intentergy Leave a comment

We all know about the proverbial plates in our lives. Plates that are always full of responsibilities, expectations, and commitments. With Thanksgiving tomorrow, I guess our proverbial and physical plates are about to be or have been overflowing with good stuff, stressful stuff, and stuff we really don’t need.

This morning was jam-packed with rushing to try to make all my plans fit into a time frame that probably wasn’t feasible. The harder I tried and the faster I rushed, the fuller I felt with frustration.

I heard a voice ask what I was “so darn upset about.” (It may have sounded like my husband.) I wasn’t sure why I had tears in my eyes and a burning at the back of my throat that only happens when I cry. I guess it felt like crying would take away some of what was weighing on me. But crying wasn’t going to help anything, and it sure wasn’t going to clear my proverbial plate from all my commitments.

Continue reading “Tears Aren’t Going to Clear My Plate” →

Sadly Easy to Forget

Intentergy Leave a comment

My brave, talented friend Heather has decided to pursue a new career by going back to school to become a massage therapist and esthetician. Because I am such a good friend, I booked an appointment for a massage and facial to help Heather earn her service hours. (My booking had nothing to do with a selfish desire for a massage.)

During my massage, Heather and I talked about how important it is to take care of ourselves, but how often we fail to do so. When she massaged my shin, I said, “Oh my goodness! That hurts. I forgot it was so sore.”

In a very sympathetic voice, Heather said, “Sadly we hurt for so long sometimes that we forget about it and accept the pain as part of our day.”

Wow! That hit my heart.

We do allow ourselves to become dulled to physical and emotional pain in many situations and it is sad.

When my son was two, he suffered from frequent ear infections. When the doctor finally decided it was time for tubes in his ears, we were relieved. Hopefully, our boy would be freed from his ear pain.

Following the surgery, we started to notice him talking more and becoming increasingly verbal. It was not until we took him out to see our cows that we realized how much he was missing out on before the tubes.

Our boy LOVED the cows. He would moo loudly every time he saw a cow along the road or at the farm, but this time, when the cows started bawling, he covered his ears and cried because they were so loud. He had never heard them moo at true volume because his ears had been so congested. We never knew what he was missing out on and forgot the limitations that his blocked ears created.

Is there a pain in your life that you have accepted as something to ignore or forget?

There are many sources out there for helping heal from physical injury or past emotional abuse, but I thought it would be helpful to share a source on how to let go of the past. These lessons can be applied to physical and emotional pain in lots of ways.

According to “How to Let Go of the Past: 8 Ways to Move On,” there are eight basic ways to seek out relief from pain.

1. Question your comfort zone.
2. Let it out.
3. Take accountability.
4. Make space for the new.
5. Prioritize yourself.
6. Focus on the lessons.
7. Accept what you can’t change.
8. Seek help.

I won’t go into detail with each of these steps, but I can tell you there is relief ready to be found with releasing the aches that you let go on for too long. I love the idea of finding your comfort zone first because if you are too comfortable with accepting what hurts you, you will never make the changes necessary for it to go away. I also appreciate the step where we are challenged to prioritize ourselves. It goes back to when Heather and I discussed how easy it is to let our self-care go by the wayside. We need to relocate our priorities and find ways to identify why we hurt and make healing those pains a priority. Here is a link to the full article from psychcentral.com.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-past-and-hurt

I challenge you to think about a physical ache or a hurtful memory that has worn you down into forgetting the source of the pain. Put energy into healing that hurt, focus on what that pain has taught you, and seek the help you need to correct your problem or build the skills to be pain-free. Don’t let the ease of accepting a painful situation, because you just don’t want to think about it, be the frame of mind that you find yourself in each day. Put purpose in remembering what it is to feel good and forget about allowing yourself to feel bad.

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. Be selfish get yourself a massage or facial. I know a great gal to call.

Works Cited

“How to Let Go of Past Hurts: 8 Ways to Move On.” Psych Central, 29 Aug. 2022, psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-past-and-hurt.

‌

Defining Sabbatical

Intentergy 3 Comments

What the heck is a “sabbatical”? This was the question my kids asked as I planned a mini-vacation for myself. I explained to them that a “sabbatical” was my time to recharge after surviving the spring semester. According to Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary, a sabbatical is a break or change from a normal routine (as of employment).

What does “sabbatical” mean to you?

After subbing the last 13 weeks of the school year for junior high language arts and fulfilling my duties for our farm, I needed a break from the “normal” routine. I needed a complete reset, so booking a cabin for a couple of nights made perfect sense. My packing consisted only of comfortable clothes, food, books, wine, and melatonin. I was bound and determined to relax on my “sabbatical.”

The hardest part about taking the sabbatical was my guilt. I felt terribly guilty about leaving hubby and the kiddos and neglecting my responsibilities at our home and farm. I felt guilty about missing baseball games and gymnastics practices. I felt guilty about leaving my dog. I felt guilty about the fact that I had no purpose other than to rest. I was crazy.

Taking those 72 hours to relax, recharge, and rediscover my motivation was the healthiest thing I could have done. I now believe that is what a sabbatical should do.

Continue reading “Defining Sabbatical” →

Shredding Stress

Intentergy 3 Comments

During my recent tenure as a substitute teacher, I had a student introduce me to the practice of stress shredding.

We will call that student Madddie.

Maddie was a young lady who seemed angry at the world most of the time. In one situation she jumped up excitedly as her classmates headed to the recycle bin to dispose of their graded grammar practices (a sad situation to be discussed in a future post.) It was her unusual speed and enthusiasm that caught me off guard. “Why are you taking your classmates’ papers?” I asked her. Another 8th grader piped up, “It’s okay, Mrs. P. She shreds to relieve stress.”

Interesting?!?!

Maddie had purchased a personal shredder for her bedroom and the practice of shredding paper brought her a sense of zen. I asked the entire class if it bothered them to have someone else see their grades, to which Maddie snapped, “I don’t care about their grades. I just care about shredding.” In a quieter voice, she followed up with, “It calms me down.”

The class didn’t seem fazed by the idea of someone else seeing their grammar practice grades, so I provided Maddie with a paperclip to hold the shredder fuel together. 

Identifying paper shredding as a stress reliever seemed like a perfect Intentergy practice.

Maddie found a way to break down her anxiety by mechanically mincing paper. It’s in the beauty of finding simple solutions for fixing our frustrations that life becomes easier to manage. I have known people who grounded themselves folding laundry or ironing clothes, and others who re-established their sanity by cleaning windows or mowing grass. They find peace in the order and product of their efforts.

I derive my zen from pulling weeds and cooking food. 

What can you intentionally do to tackle your stressors with simple repetition or
a few minutes of focus?

Put some Intentergy in your day by relaxing with positive purpose in your shredding, folding, washing, walking, or filing. Be like Maddie and allow the Intentergy of your practice to help you get your bearings and bring you peace.

What basic practice brings you comfort or calm?

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. If your zen comes in the form of folding clothes or washing windows, I have piles of peace waiting for you at my house.

Avoiding the World’s Fastest Shower & Squirrels

Intentergy 2 Comments

Frequently, I find myself announcing to my already-running-late family that I am going to take “The World’s Fastest Shower,” and then we will be out the door. 

I turn the faucet handle to start the water,  brush my teeth while the water warms, jump in the shower, and begin counting down from 100 like a crazed stopwatch challenging myself to get clean and get out in under 100 seconds.

This is insane.

I know.

The “World’s Fastest Shower” may freshen me up, but it fogs my focus and definitely puts a damper on my day.

Do you do this? Do you rush yourself through things that should make you healthier and happier for the sake of keeping up with your schedule? How fast do you eat your breakfast? Do you race through reading directions only to find you skipped a step because you thought it would save time? Do you attempt to take “The World’s Fastest Shower” thinking it’ll wash away the fact that you have too much to do but are too stinky to be around the other scurrying schedule-followers? 

I think we all do. We all give ourselves crazy countdowns for the sake of keeping up. Wouldn’t it be even crazier if we stopped?

For me, the answer to avoiding “The World’s Fastest Shower” comes from not wasting my time on the “squirrels” in the room. While we have actually had furry, four-legged squirrels in our rooms (A story for a later blog post), I’m talking about the proverbial “squirrels.” These are the “squirrels” that come in the form of an unopened email, a pile of laundry, a broken door handle, a dusty photo frame, or any other distraction that trips up our ability to stay on task. 

If I could just ignore the stuff that isn’t going anywhere (i.e. dust, laundry, broken door handle, etc.), I would not be on 10, 9, 8, 7…. as I frantically try to rinse the face wash out of my hair and scrape the hair conditioner off my face. Do you feel my pain?

Here’s the challenge to all of us: Avoid the need to hold the Guinness World Record for Shortest Shower Time by leaving the “squirrels” to nest on their pesky perches. Slow down for the sake of keeping soap out of our eyes and avoiding a wipeout as we try to stick the landing leaping from the shower to get dressed. 

If it helps, you can hang a “No Squirrels” sign on your mirror reminding yourself that you don’t need to alphabetize unpaid bills or sort the unmatched socks from the last six months before you leave. The more frequently we let the “squirrels” go and give ourselves time to get ready, the easier it will be to avoid the slip-ups and stress of disastrous dashes out the door. Intentergy is energy with a positive purpose, and I can’t think of a healthier way to get your purpose energized than starting off the day without letting the “squirrels” get in the way.

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. I looked on the Guinness World Records website and there were no entries for “Fastest Shower,” “Fastest Shower Taken,” or “Fastest Bath” listed.

Refrigerator Fancy

Intentergy 4 Comments

Do you consider yourself to be fancy?

Do you include your appliances in your fancifulness?

At dinner one night, my children and husband were making light of the fact that I was drinking a glass of red wine with my steak. They continued teasing me about my “fancy” wine glass and my love for planning, preparing, and documenting good meals. (I’m not really very fancy, but I guess they have to have something to tease me about.)

As the ribbing continued about my fanciful ways, my son said, “Just look at your refrigerator.”

We all stopped.

What did the fridge have to do with me being “fancy”?

Continue reading “Refrigerator Fancy” →

Turning Things Around?

Intentergy Leave a comment

When poults (baby turkeys) arrive on our farm, they are less than 24 hours old. They are cute, hungry, thirsty, and not very smart. In addition, they are top heavy thanks to their full yolk sacs and skinny legs. For about the first 7 days of their lives, it is not uncommon for them to spend a great deal of time flipped onto their backs, kicking their spindly, little legs like crazy, and looking up instead of ahead.

Appropriately, we, in the turkey industry, call the flipped-over poults, “flippers.”

A flock with a lot of “flippers” takes more time to care for because we spend so much time walking through the range house setting the spinning birds right-side up. Often they flip back over or a stampede of other poults pushes them prone again, but we still work to set them all in the right direction.

I feel like many of us are “flippers” in our lives because we allow the weight of our overthinking and worry to upend our outlooks or the pressure of trying to go with the flock to capsize our cause. Just like the extra time it takes to care for a building full of “flippers,” we are too panicked about our problems and freaking out instead of finding ways to fix them. We spend too much time failing to find the solution to turning things around in our lives.

Continue reading “Turning Things Around?” →

It’s Okay if Things Go “Sploosh”

Intentergy 3 Comments

Sometimes I find myself consumed with what-ifs. So consumed in fact, that my thoughts have no where to go but straight to panic mode. As I planned for a recent girls weekend, (one that my worry-logged nerves desperately needed) I asked Hubby to help me with getting a load of firewood. My gal pals and I were staying at a secluded cabin, complete with wood-burning fireplace, and the weatherforecast was calling for snow.

After some impressive chainsaw brandishing, Hubby and I had filled a tractor bucket full of logs. When I told my loving lumberjack that I would stack the logs on the flatbed to drive to the cabin, he told me not to worry. He would simply dump the wood right on the truck, and it would be ready to go. Immediately, my internal anxiety alarms started sounding in my head. He asked if I was okay with that plan. I told him all I could picture in my mind were the logs going “sploosh” as he put them on the truck or flying off as we drove down the highway. He firmly but lovingly put his hands on my shoulders and said, “It’s okay if things go ‘sploosh’ sometimes.”

With that statement my tears wanted to splash but, instead, I found a giggle for his use of “sploosh.”

I knew he was right and maybe, just maybe, if I could get over my fear of the potential “splooshes” in life, I could get past the nervousness that has been nagging at me so heavily lately.

Continue reading “It’s Okay if Things Go “Sploosh”” →