Category Teaching

All Full Up – New Perspective on Boundaries

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Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are by Lysa TerKeurst screamed, “Read me!” from the shelves at the bookstore, library, and in my Amazon “Something you might like” recommendations. I added it to my WTR list and after a particularly disheartening week, I thought I’d give it a listen while Ubering the kids around. Yup, Amazon was right. I do like it.

I’m grateful I chose to listen to the audio version because hearing the words from Lysa TerKeurst’s actual voice made the message much more authentic and relatable, but it’s the words that have my heart aching for healthier ways to set boundaries for those I love and myself.

The crazy thing is that it took nearly to the end of the ninth chapter in a twelve-chapter book for my desperate self to realize my real problem. It’s not the expectations of others that fuel my need to establish boundaries. My issue is that I’m trying to build boundaries from the wrong end of the emotional gas gauge. I am full up on obligations while running on empty when it comes to inspiration, self-worth, and time.

Before listening to Lysa’s narrative, I believed that creating boundaries between myself and others could cause me to fail as a Christian. I thought refusing to give of myself as Christ did resulted in others not needing or appreciating me, and the best way to feel accepted and helpful was to run myself into the ground fulfilling the expectations of others. (If I’m killing myself to help, they will see my efforts and love me more, right?!?)

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Mustard-Seed Moments

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Daily I complete what feels like a zillion, small tasks in hopes of making a significant difference in the lives of those around me. I put a whole lot of faith in the belief that I am doing the right things as a parent and wife and accomplishing all the roles God calls me to fill. Most of the time, I do not experience the euphoria of success, in particular when it comes to being a parent.

My kids torture one another. My little darlings fight over the MOST RIDICULOUS things. They forget stuff I consider important, like homework or chores. They treat our home as if is their personal dumpster to discard shoes, socks, food wrappers, soda bottles, and empty cups wherever they please. It is enough to make this mama’s heart hurt and ask, “Lord, am I doing anything right?”

In Matthew 17:20, when the disciples weren’t sure if their faith was enough, Jesus reassured them by saying, “…Amen, I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” (New American Bible).

All too often, I feel like saying, “Lord, I’ve got all kinds of seeds planted. When am I gonna move those mountains?”

I guess we have to consider what a “mountain” looks like because sometimes they aren’t as big as we expected in the beginning.

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A Big Butt Goodbye

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Teaching kids about death is one of the trickiest tasks parents face. I believe we can help kids through the tough lessons in life by allowing them to be an active part of the grieving process. This invites our children to voice their individual ideas for coping and moving on after a loss. Sometimes we can find inspiration, comfort, and joy in the contributions of our kiddos while experiencing times of sadness.

My friend Mandy shared one particular experience that occurred when her son and daughter were younger. Their family had a kitten that was born with severe defects in its spine. The kids named the kitten Joey. As Mandy retold the tale, Claire interjected that the kitten had a really big butt. As kittens with severe defects will do, Joey crossed over the rainbow bridge to pet heaven soon after he was born.

When it came time to bury Joey, Liam asked what they were supposed to do at a cat funeral. Mandy wracked her brain and said, “I think we share the good memories we had with Joey and sing songs or say things that remind us of the happier times with him.”

Liam told Joey he would always remember carrying him around and playing with him every morning. Liam would never forget sweet Joey. When it came time for Claire to speak, she chose the happiest song she could think of and in her tiny toddler voice busted out, “I like big butts and I cannot lie…”

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Shredding Stress

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During my recent tenure as a substitute teacher, I had a student introduce me to the practice of stress shredding.

We will call that student Madddie.

Maddie was a young lady who seemed angry at the world most of the time. In one situation she jumped up excitedly as her classmates headed to the recycle bin to dispose of their graded grammar practices (a sad situation to be discussed in a future post.) It was her unusual speed and enthusiasm that caught me off guard. “Why are you taking your classmates’ papers?” I asked her. Another 8th grader piped up, “It’s okay, Mrs. P. She shreds to relieve stress.”

Interesting?!?!

Maddie had purchased a personal shredder for her bedroom and the practice of shredding paper brought her a sense of zen. I asked the entire class if it bothered them to have someone else see their grades, to which Maddie snapped, “I don’t care about their grades. I just care about shredding.” In a quieter voice, she followed up with, “It calms me down.”

The class didn’t seem fazed by the idea of someone else seeing their grammar practice grades, so I provided Maddie with a paperclip to hold the shredder fuel together. 

Identifying paper shredding as a stress reliever seemed like a perfect Intentergy practice.

Maddie found a way to break down her anxiety by mechanically mincing paper. It’s in the beauty of finding simple solutions for fixing our frustrations that life becomes easier to manage. I have known people who grounded themselves folding laundry or ironing clothes, and others who re-established their sanity by cleaning windows or mowing grass. They find peace in the order and product of their efforts.

I derive my zen from pulling weeds and cooking food. 

What can you intentionally do to tackle your stressors with simple repetition or
a few minutes of focus?

Put some Intentergy in your day by relaxing with positive purpose in your shredding, folding, washing, walking, or filing. Be like Maddie and allow the Intentergy of your practice to help you get your bearings and bring you peace.

What basic practice brings you comfort or calm?

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. If your zen comes in the form of folding clothes or washing windows, I have piles of peace waiting for you at my house.

Sleeping Freckles

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On a recent visit, my three-year-old nephew Henry asked, “What’s there on your face?”

It took me a minute, but I realized he was asking about the worry-lines between my eyebrows (wrinkles). I smiled and said, “Those are just my wrinkles. Look I have more when I smile” and pointed at the crow’s feet formed on the side of my eyes.

Henry and I snuggling and hoping to wake some of his freckles.

The next day Henry asked why I had those spots on my face and arms. I told him they were my freckles… spots where the sun kissed my skin. He looked innocently at his arms and said, “My freckles are still sleeping.”

While his noticing my wrinkles made me a little sad, his discovery of my freckles and statement about his sleeping spots was super sweet and made me think about the freckles, wrinkles, and other characteristics that appear with time.

I know we can all relate to our adolescent desires to be taller, fuller, thinner, or whatever-er, but once we are doing the adulthood thing, how often do we give ourselves credit for the features that are no longer “sleeping”? Or how do we celebrate the differences between people? Do we point out the idiosyncrasies of other’s appearance in positive or appreciative ways?

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Don’t Call Me “Mom”

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There is no joy greater that hearing your child say “mama” or “dada” for the first time, except maybe the happiness that comes from silence when they are sleeping after hearing those words 1,000,000 times.

I love my children more than anything in life…. but sometimes they get on my nerves.

It’s not so much that they want to be in my space, eat my food, prevent my sleep, or destroy my house, but that they cannot seem to leave each other alone for one, blessed second.

In those instances where the temptation to pester one another is too great, I always find myself in the form of a fire-breathing dragon fully prepared to skewer and roast their little, antagonizing selves. (Then I remember how much time and money I have invested in them, and I transform back into a loving, caring mother.)

After a particularly arduous 25-minute car ride to town last summer, I declared that no one was to call me “Mom” for the duration of our trip. (We were going to two stores and pick up lunch, but I wasn’t too sure I could avoid eating my young at that point.) I announced that I was no longer to be called “Mom,” but rather my children were to address me as “Lady Madame Josephine” before speaking to me at any time. This command was met with silence and then laughter from my children.

As soon as the first child chose to say the dreaded M-word, I pulled off into a parking lot, stopped the car, and with the blazing heat of a true mama dragon, I seared them with my words, “My name is Lady Madame Josephine. If you want to have lunch today you will address me as such.” Silence again.

No one spoke until we arrived serenely at our first stop. My daughter tentatively said, “May I ask a question?”

My reply, “You may.”

My daughter’s inquiry, “Why do you want us to call you ‘Lady Madame J… ‘; what was it again?”

I answered, “Lady Madame Josephine.”

My daughter again, “Why do you want us to call you ‘Lady Madame Josephine’?”

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Who Do You Think of When You Mop?

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Who do you think of when you mop?

This may seem like an unusual question, but in the grand scheme of things there isn’t a chore or task that we don’t relate with someone else. While I mop, I am usually mentally cussing my family for being so messy, but before the floor is dry I almost always think of Mary Scott.

Who is Mary Scott?

Well, Mary was a shift manager at the Dairy Queen where I worked as a teenager.

Mary was a tough manager because she did not appreciate horseplay, slacking off, or sneaking bites of cookie dough toppings that weren’t paid for. She appreciated a job well done and sought to provide quality customer service to each customer that came through the door. She also really liked making the Blizzards thick enough to turn upside down each time one was ordered.

Many of my co-workers did not like the job of cleaning the dinning room at the end of the night. I didn’t mind it because it was easier to get clean than the hamburger grease in the kitchen. Sweeping, wiping down tables and doors, bathroom supply checks, and mopping the floor were easy enough tasks to get done so I could get out of there at the end of my shift. One night, Mary watched me mop around the last tables and the floor in front of the soda fountains. I asked if everything was okay. She smiled and said she really liked when I or my sister closed the front because it would be done right. “You girls know how to work. That’s for sure,” she added.

I don’t know why her words have stuck with me, but each time I lug a mop and bucket to clean a floor, I remember the pride I felt in her compliment. Her words also inspired me to always do the best job I could. I wanted to be the person who did a job right. Sometimes I was tempted to cut corners in my cleaning, like my colleagues having water fights in the back, but Mary’s words always caused me to be someone she could count on.

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Bloggers BeLOnG – October 19th, 2020

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Hello friends in blogging,
Our next Bloggers BeLOnG session is on Monday, October 19th from 6:30p.m – 7:30 p.m. Central Standard Time.

Our first three sessions were very insightful and fun!

If you are not a blogger yet, but would like to give it a try, JOIN us!

To register for this free, virtual session go to https://mrrl.org/index.php/event/bloggers-belong-virtual-1

I hope to see you there,
Melanie A. Peters

P.S. If you have any friends interested in blogging or building a website, share this post with them.

Uncomfortable Can Be a Good Thing – Wise Words Wednesday

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I know that 2020 has been a year of discomfort. And that’s not okay, but in reading Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly, I was kindly reminded that some of the greatest opportunities for growing and learning come from uncomfortable situations.

When speaking to her students about vulnerability and shame, Brené warns them ahead of time, “If you’re comfortable, I’m not teaching and your’re not learning. It’s going to get uncomfortable in here and that’s okay. It’s normal and it’s part of the process” (Brown 203).

This warning made me smile because it reminded me of the supply lists for incoming students to my English I class. After typing up and printing the nice, neat lists, I would carefully (in the scariest handwriting I could muster) write “FEAR” in red ink at the top of each list.

You can only imagine the delight I experienced in seeing the eager faces and ready hands grab at the waiting lists from the holder outside my classroom and then the quick flicker of surprise as that word “FEAR” registered in their already-panicking minds.

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Isle of Storms – An Epic 5th Grade Collaboration to Benefit Special Olympics

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There is nothing better than a good adventure story, except when there is a GREAT adventure story created through the collaboration of an entire 5th grade class AND the proceeds from its sale go to Special Olympics!!!

Prior to their school year being cut short by the Coronavirus, Mrs. Rebecca Harvey‘s 5th grade class read The Man Who Loved Clowns by June Rae Wood.

Isle of Storms 4

The class was fascinated by the character Punky. In the book, Punky is the uncle of main character Delrita. The story revolves around Delrita’s desire to go unnoticed by society because of the embarrassment she feels over Punky’s behavior, while still loving his childlike ways. Punky has Down Syndrome and the challenges of living with and loving someone who has an intellectual disability are shared in an honest and compelling manner.

The class was so moved by Punky’s story and connections they made to individuals with Down Syndrome that they decided to do something for the Special Olympics. They just weren’t sure what it was yet.

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