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I Am Not Okay – Stuck on Repeat

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Listening to the radio is often frustrating because I feel like the same songs are played over and over. Like most people, my drive times are pretty consistent. Two days a week I drive my son to his 6:00 p.m. practice. When we get in the car, we jokingly place bets on what songs we will hear first because they are always the same.

In the past few weeks, there has been one song in particular that I haven’t minded being on repeat. It is “I Am Not Okay” by Jelly Roll.
(If you haven’t heard it, please give it a listen, but be sure to listen all the way through.)

While singing along with the gravel, grit, and pain in Jelly Roll’s voice, I started to feel something loosening in my heart last week. I looked at my 11-year-old and sang, “I am not okay. I’m barely getting by. I’m losing track of days and losing sleep at night… I know I can’t be the only one who’s holding on for dear life.” My sweet boy laughed at me and said, “Mom, you are okay.” As I sang the rest of the lyrics to him via my in-car concert, I felt like I couldn’t stop until the last verse. When I got to the last verse, I couldn’t go on. My heart hurt too much to sing.

As we pulled into practice, I told my son to go on in. I would be in shortly.

He went in. I broke down.

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A Big Butt Goodbye

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Teaching kids about death is one of the trickiest tasks parents face. I believe we can help kids through the tough lessons in life by allowing them to be an active part of the grieving process. This invites our children to voice their individual ideas for coping and moving on after a loss. Sometimes we can find inspiration, comfort, and joy in the contributions of our kiddos while experiencing times of sadness.

My friend Mandy shared one particular experience that occurred when her son and daughter were younger. Their family had a kitten that was born with severe defects in its spine. The kids named the kitten Joey. As Mandy retold the tale, Claire interjected that the kitten had a really big butt. As kittens with severe defects will do, Joey crossed over the rainbow bridge to pet heaven soon after he was born.

When it came time to bury Joey, Liam asked what they were supposed to do at a cat funeral. Mandy wracked her brain and said, “I think we share the good memories we had with Joey and sing songs or say things that remind us of the happier times with him.”

Liam told Joey he would always remember carrying him around and playing with him every morning. Liam would never forget sweet Joey. When it came time for Claire to speak, she chose the happiest song she could think of and in her tiny toddler voice busted out, “I like big butts and I cannot lie…”

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Shredding Stress

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During my recent tenure as a substitute teacher, I had a student introduce me to the practice of stress shredding.

We will call that student Madddie.

Maddie was a young lady who seemed angry at the world most of the time. In one situation she jumped up excitedly as her classmates headed to the recycle bin to dispose of their graded grammar practices (a sad situation to be discussed in a future post.) It was her unusual speed and enthusiasm that caught me off guard. “Why are you taking your classmates’ papers?” I asked her. Another 8th grader piped up, “It’s okay, Mrs. P. She shreds to relieve stress.”

Interesting?!?!

Maddie had purchased a personal shredder for her bedroom and the practice of shredding paper brought her a sense of zen. I asked the entire class if it bothered them to have someone else see their grades, to which Maddie snapped, “I don’t care about their grades. I just care about shredding.” In a quieter voice, she followed up with, “It calms me down.”

The class didn’t seem fazed by the idea of someone else seeing their grammar practice grades, so I provided Maddie with a paperclip to hold the shredder fuel together. 

Identifying paper shredding as a stress reliever seemed like a perfect Intentergy practice.

Maddie found a way to break down her anxiety by mechanically mincing paper. It’s in the beauty of finding simple solutions for fixing our frustrations that life becomes easier to manage. I have known people who grounded themselves folding laundry or ironing clothes, and others who re-established their sanity by cleaning windows or mowing grass. They find peace in the order and product of their efforts.

I derive my zen from pulling weeds and cooking food. 

What can you intentionally do to tackle your stressors with simple repetition or
a few minutes of focus?

Put some Intentergy in your day by relaxing with positive purpose in your shredding, folding, washing, walking, or filing. Be like Maddie and allow the Intentergy of your practice to help you get your bearings and bring you peace.

What basic practice brings you comfort or calm?

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. If your zen comes in the form of folding clothes or washing windows, I have piles of peace waiting for you at my house.

Avoiding the World’s Fastest Shower & Squirrels

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Frequently, I find myself announcing to my already-running-late family that I am going to take “The World’s Fastest Shower,” and then we will be out the door. 

I turn the faucet handle to start the water,  brush my teeth while the water warms, jump in the shower, and begin counting down from 100 like a crazed stopwatch challenging myself to get clean and get out in under 100 seconds.

This is insane.

I know.

The “World’s Fastest Shower” may freshen me up, but it fogs my focus and definitely puts a damper on my day.

Do you do this? Do you rush yourself through things that should make you healthier and happier for the sake of keeping up with your schedule? How fast do you eat your breakfast? Do you race through reading directions only to find you skipped a step because you thought it would save time? Do you attempt to take “The World’s Fastest Shower” thinking it’ll wash away the fact that you have too much to do but are too stinky to be around the other scurrying schedule-followers? 

I think we all do. We all give ourselves crazy countdowns for the sake of keeping up. Wouldn’t it be even crazier if we stopped?

For me, the answer to avoiding “The World’s Fastest Shower” comes from not wasting my time on the “squirrels” in the room. While we have actually had furry, four-legged squirrels in our rooms (A story for a later blog post), I’m talking about the proverbial “squirrels.” These are the “squirrels” that come in the form of an unopened email, a pile of laundry, a broken door handle, a dusty photo frame, or any other distraction that trips up our ability to stay on task. 

If I could just ignore the stuff that isn’t going anywhere (i.e. dust, laundry, broken door handle, etc.), I would not be on 10, 9, 8, 7…. as I frantically try to rinse the face wash out of my hair and scrape the hair conditioner off my face. Do you feel my pain?

Here’s the challenge to all of us: Avoid the need to hold the Guinness World Record for Shortest Shower Time by leaving the “squirrels” to nest on their pesky perches. Slow down for the sake of keeping soap out of our eyes and avoiding a wipeout as we try to stick the landing leaping from the shower to get dressed. 

If it helps, you can hang a “No Squirrels” sign on your mirror reminding yourself that you don’t need to alphabetize unpaid bills or sort the unmatched socks from the last six months before you leave. The more frequently we let the “squirrels” go and give ourselves time to get ready, the easier it will be to avoid the slip-ups and stress of disastrous dashes out the door. Intentergy is energy with a positive purpose, and I can’t think of a healthier way to get your purpose energized than starting off the day without letting the “squirrels” get in the way.

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. I looked on the Guinness World Records website and there were no entries for “Fastest Shower,” “Fastest Shower Taken,” or “Fastest Bath” listed.

Groundhog Day Again… In a Good Way

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“Groundhog Day,” the movie starring Bill Murray, is one that will go down in the annals of cinematic greatest for its hilarious cycle of February 2nd repetition. While the film featured Murray’s vast myriad of responses to being roused by the same rise-and-shine message brought us a lot of laughs, I can only image how frustrating it would be if we actually woke up to face the same scenario each and every day.

How crazy would it make you to know that nothing new was going to come your way Every.Single.Day.? Would you face the mornings in a multitude of crazy ways or would you accept your circumstances and go through the motions over and over again in the same mundane manner? Sometimes I think we all feel like we are trapped in a Groundhog Day pattern and that pattern can take the positive out of our perspective.

To avoid the lunacy of lacking variety and negative impacts of uneventful outlook, I want to challenge you to make each day Groundhog Day Again… In a Good Way.

I think the best way to establish a good Groundhog Day cycle is to find a practice that opens your possibilities to success, variety, or joy. Having that one exercise or routine that establishes your day as a “good one” will diminish the doldrums of any repetition.

If you can’t think of any ways to shake up your wake-up, consider some of these Groundhog Day Go-To Starters:

  • Journaling: Jot down 3 things you are grateful/hopeful/ready/working for…
  • Deep Breathing Exercises: Breathe in the newness of the day; Breathe out the fear, anxiety, or frustration of starting again
  • Enjoy a A Calendar that introduces something new each day (i.e. Word-of-the-Day, Joke-of-the-Day, Quote-of-the-Day)
  • Look in the mirror and tell yourself 5 things you love about your life.
  • Do 15 minutes of crunches, leg-lifts, squats, planks, jumping jacks, or jogging
  • Make a point to eat a good breakfast (Keep a few options for getting your day going on hand to help avoid breakfast boredom)
  • Wake up your partner or kiddos by telling them 3 things you love about them or are excited to do with them.

Hopefully, adding a routine to the start of morning will make any Groundhog Day situation feel like you are ready to be successful in a variety of ways. By adding something you know will freshen your attitude, you avoid the trap of a tedious start. Giving yourself something to look forward to, even though it’s a repeat practice, is a good way to celebrate any day, even Groundhog Day, again and again.

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. If a giant rodent being pulled from a tree stump every day is part of your new routine, you might need to rethink your routine.

How Did the Holy Family Figure It Out?

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It’s crazy how often we find ourselves praying for one thing and then the words of someone we love or respect smack us right upside the head with the truth about what we need in place of what we thought we wanted. This past Sunday, I entered church in a very snippy mood. My children had aggravated me to the point I was not feeling very faithful. I kneeled in the pew and prayed for God to help me handle my little heathens.

It just so happened that this Sunday was the feast of the Holy Family and the readings were about what God asked of Mary and Joseph, how Mary held all the worries and wonders in her heart, and how Jesus grew smart, strong, and full of grace. Our priest Father Tony is one of the most relatable pastors we could ever ask for. He started his homily by speaking on how happy it made him to see the way our community always comes together and the work we do to raise our children well. He went on to say that he knew not all families were made the same. He mentioned the “nuclear” families, the blended families, the families made up of grandparents raising grandchildren, foster families, and any variety of “dysfunctional” families possible. He told us of his estranged brother and how it hurt him to think of his brother’s decision to remove himself from their lives.

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Monday’s Message – January 1, 2024

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Starting the New Year on a Monday can be viewed as either a good thing or a bad thing. Mondays are rough for some folks, but because we have become conditioned to live by the edicts of our calendars, it feels sort of natural to start a new year on a Monday. I guess it’s all in the outlook that your Intentergy instigates on the first Monday of 2024.

In typical Intentergy fashion, I’m going to consider this Monday a positive milestone. My kids enjoyed a Monday that was school, homework, and doctor appointment-free. It was a cold winter day when I was able to enjoy my Christmas decorations and the novelty of the gifts received for the holiday. To ward off any bad luck, I refrained from doing any laundry today, and any day without doing laundry is a good day.

I hope you are off to a positive start and that your milestone Monday manifested energy, hope, and lots of Intentergy as you face this fresh beginning. Along with wishing you a new year full of opportunity, friendship, success, and joy, I wish you a very merry first Monday of 2024!

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. I hope the first Tuesday of 2024 is even more terrific than today.

Refrigerator Fancy

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Do you consider yourself to be fancy?

Do you include your appliances in your fancifulness?

At dinner one night, my children and husband were making light of the fact that I was drinking a glass of red wine with my steak. They continued teasing me about my “fancy” wine glass and my love for planning, preparing, and documenting good meals. (I’m not really very fancy, but I guess they have to have something to tease me about.)

As the ribbing continued about my fanciful ways, my son said, “Just look at your refrigerator.”

We all stopped.

What did the fridge have to do with me being “fancy”?

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Pull a Swap-a-doodle

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Swapping out negative energy or non-productive habits for ones that can propel us in a positive direction isn’t always easy. Most of the time our pessimistic mindset is the first hurdle we face. We start off by failing to believe in our ability to reach a goal. Today’s focus for Intentergy is to remind you of the power of the swap-a-doodle.

Positive energy can come from just about anywhere, but the swap-a-doodle stimulation for me came from Jen Hatmaker, one of my favorite authors. In her book, Fierce, Free, and Full of Fire: The Guide to Being Glorious You, she encourages readers to make the world a better place by pursuing their dreams. Hatmaker points out that when we make excuses for not having enough time or resources to chase our dreams, we simply need to switch out something that isn’t part of reaching the goal for a choice that can help create opportunities. Jen reminds us on pg. 118 that making the move towards attaining success rarely impacts others in the ways we fear and usually leads to finding support from friends and family. Along with a cheering squad, we often discover the shift “just replaces something that already held open time slot or energy required. You get to do a swap-a-doodle and plug right in.” That, my friends, is the beauty of a swap-a-doodle.

As 2023 is still a relatively new year, I encourage you to figure out which swap-a-doodles might make your year a swapping success. If it’s healthier habits, re-establishing relationships, or capturing a new career, I have absolute faith that you possess what it takes to shift with gusto the elements necessary to be triumphant in turning things around. With a little humor, determination, and flexibility, you have what it takes to swap-a-doodle with the best of them. So stop doodling and get swapping!

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. Swap-a-Doodles can also be referred to as switcher-roos, flippy-floppies, and/or out-with-the-oldies-in-with-the-newbies.

P.P.S. What swap-a-doodle are your seeking this year? I’m letting go of a little sleep for more writing time.

Sources:

Hatmaker, Jen. 2020. Fierce, Free, and Full of Fire: The Guide to Being Glorious You. Nelson Books; Nashville. pg.118.

The Surprise in Showing Up

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I’d be lying if I didn’t say the last six months have been challenging. I’d also be lying if I didn’t admit that the surprises that came our way were terrible and terrific. Having made those two admissions, I wanted to share with you some wonderful lessons that come with showing up even when things are tough.

When I say things have been tough, I should disclose that since July we’ve lost our beloved dog Bandit; had a turkey barn burn to the ground mysteriously; our 16-year-old neighbor totaled his car hitting one of our cows on the highway (Miraculously the cow was ok.); our daughter spent her 14th birthday in the hospital because she tore two ligaments in her ankle; our son has been recurrently sick and we don’t know why; my dad continues in his battle with colon cancer; my sister-in-law’s car was stolen from a conference she and I attended (She drove because the transmission went out on my vehicle); we had to put down our sweet 26 year-old horse Star; all three kiddos had Influenza A the week before Christmas; and avian influenza (HPAI) infected one of our buildings resulting in the destruction of two flocks of turkeys and shutting down our world. It’s been rough.

On New Year’s Eve, Hubby and I were invited to a wedding. We definitely didn’t want to miss this special event, but we were not able show up until the meal was already being served. Upon our arrival at the wedding reception, Hubby and I were flooded with folks who wanted to express their joy in seeing us and that they had been thinking of us. Everywhere we turned we were greeted with warm wishes for a better 2023 and offers of help. The outpouring was overwhelming to say the least. Many commented that they were surprised to see us. Their astonishment was understandable given that we haven’t exactly been social butterflies in the wake of all the was going on.

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