They Are Called Bygones For a Reason

Bygones

They Are Called Bygones For a Reason

png 1 Bye + Gone = Bygone

png 1 Good + Bye = Goodbye

Just as “bygone” is a compound word, worry and guilt compound when we fail to leave them behind.

Two years ago we had one of the wettest springs I can recall. There were terrible storms. During one of the storms, lightening struck one of our cows. She happened to be the one my hubby told our kiddos was his “favorite.” After torrential rains fell for a few days, the creek got out of its banks and washed away the “favorite” cow. We know it washed her away because multiple people called to say they saw here swiftly floating down the creek. It was not a happy situation.

My kids still remember that “favorite” cow every time the creek runs high. They say, “Daddy, do you remember when your favorite cow died?” and he always responds with, “Yes, I remember when my favorite cow died.”

They just can’t let go of that poor cow.

Bygones are like that cow. Continue reading “They Are Called Bygones For a Reason”

The Day I Couldn’t Sing

The Day I Couldn’t Sing

i-couldnt-sing

On Friday, January 6th I had the honor of being with my friends Laura, Karen, and Brenda when their mother Wanda passed away. Wanda was an honest, simple, and kind woman. My children called her Grandma Wanda. Losing her battle to cancer was the result of a long hard fight. She is greatly missed.

After Wanda’s passing the family asked me to sing at her funeral. There was not a question as to my willingness. I was ready. The song was even one of my favorites “Here I am, Lord” by Dan Schulte.

As the funeral approached, my nerves grew. My sadness seemed to have a hold on my voice. The day of Wanda’s funeral I prayed for grace and the ability to sing in a way that was worthy of honoring Wanda’s life.

It was a cold, windy day. The funeral home did not have an organist to accompany me so I found the music online. The funeral director and I checked and double checked that it was the correct music. As the funeral service began, I followed the ministers and other vocalist into the funeral salon. We were seated next to Wanda’s coffin.

It was heartbreaking to see the sadness on my friends’ faces and knowing that Miss Wanda was lying there next to me. The other vocalist sang the opening song beautifully. The opening prayer was humble and reverent.

It was my turn to sing. As I took my place at the microphone, I could hear the melody in my heart but not in my ears. Slowly the music began to filter in through the speakers. The speakers were overhead, projecting outward, and away from me. I leaned forward and took  a deep breath. Too deep. I missed the sound of my opening note. I quickly caught up but my voice was shaky and a bit high.

The winds blowing outside shook the windows and the WiFi antenna. The music stopped. I sang a few words but could not find the melody in my ears or my heart. It was as if the sadness and wind had blown me too far off my musical course. I could not sing.

I apologized. The music buffered and restarted at a different spot. I waited for the chorus and I sang again shakier than ever and without my heart in the song. As I made it to the last verse, my friend smiled at me and nodded. She knew I was doing my best and how hard it was to be there. The music cut out again briefly but I sang that last verse and closing chorus to the best of my ability, sat down, and cried.

My tears were not from embarrassment but from shame. How could I let Wanda’s family down? How could I let Wanda down? I just couldn’t sing. Continue reading “The Day I Couldn’t Sing”

Elusive – I’ll Sleep When I am Dead

Elusive – I’ll Sleep When I am Dead

Nap Apology

Sleep eludes me almost every night. Sleep eludes my children almost every nap time. 🙂

Sleep is elusive.

Our bodies need rest. Our minds need rest. I need rest.

My poor boys do not know how to sleep through the night. I am pretty sure they get their night owl status from my husband and their restless brain syndrome from me. They are doomed.

People ask me all the time how I keep going on such little sleep, I smile and say, “I’ll sleep when I am dead.” We laugh and then I worry that might actually be when I truly am able to find rest.

I have done a lot of research on parenting and sleeping and even more research on how to get my body to be at rest. All of the research suggests limiting caffeine and sugar intake, establish bedtime routines, and avoid stimulating media devices before bed. Tried all of these, but the lack of caffeine may kill me before the lack of sleep.

The bedtime routine seems to make my kids crazier. The second I mention baths, pajamas, or bedtime all hell breaks loose and my sweet angels are hanging from the ceiling fan throwing down remnants of their uneaten suppers. It is hard to find a restful state in this situation.

When I talk to other parents and my pediatrician about getting them to sleep, everyone has advice or ideas. We welcome any and all ideas, but my favorite ones involve my friends taking my kids for the night so I can get some sleep. (For some reason, my kids will sleep anywhere but at home.) The problem with this idea is that when my kids are gone, I still can’t sleep.

What is wrong with me????!!??! Continue reading “Elusive – I’ll Sleep When I am Dead”