Category Saying “No” is ok

The Adhesive Power of Guilt

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The Adhesive Power of Guilt

Guilt Glue

Guilt is sticky. Guilt is a sin. It is a nagging, draining, power-sucking sin. We are not intended to feel guilt by nature, but our human condition allows us to attach guilt to our hearts and minds.

I am the worst when it comes to feeling guilty. I will let the slightest mishap or slip of the tongue weigh me down like a 2-ton anchor. I am not sure why I am so attractive to guilt, other than the fact that I am so desperate to always do the best job possible. The realization is starting to sink in that my definition of “best job possible” sometimes equates to a job that is “not really possible.” I need to get better at letting go. We are all a work-in-progress.

I’ve been working hard to wash away the residue left from past guilt and have found that it makes living a lot easier. My desire to avoid the attraction to guilt has made it easier to notice the way it clings to others. It hurts me to see when those I love let guilt hold them back in their relationships. Guilt stinks!

Guilt is a real drag. Like a ball and chain kind of drag. That is why I say guilt has adhesive powers. Once you feel guilt for one thing, all the other possibilities come rushing in and stick to you, like a piece of old toilet paper on the back of your shoe. Sometimes you don’t even know it’s there. The worst part is that guilt has an especially power grip on those who fall prey to its burden. Continue reading “The Adhesive Power of Guilt” →

House Rules

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House Rules

house rules for happiness (1).JPG

Every home has its rules.

I purchased this set of lovely limitations from the bargain bin at Target. Each day I find myself creating new rules for my rowdy household. Rules like: Don’t put your feet on that, don’t put that in your mouth, we don’t use those kinds of words, NO you may not use knives. The list could go on and on.

The more I find myself repeating the mantras of motherhood; the more I believe them to be true. I really do want my kids to buckle up, keep their rooms clean, eat their vegetables, and keep their feet off the table. I really, really do believe that “Because I said so” is a reason for completing a task.

Often my husband and I discuss our fears about parenthood. Are we strict enough? Are we too strict? How does so-and-so deal with their child’s behavior? Whose side gave our kids their crazy habits? 🙂 I think all parents have these concerns and I believe that all families have to work their way through the perils of parenthood.

The best thing we can do for our kids is to establish expectations. If we set standards for behavior and communication, our children will grow into adults who value hard work, respect, and healthy relationships. We may feel like the meanest moms and dads in the world but in reality we are making the world a less “mean” place when we guide our sons and daughters to act and interact with appropriate behavior. Manners, pleasantries, common courtesies are all elements of civilization that must be upheld. If we don’t expect our children to demonstrate these basic behaviors, how can we expect society to reflect kindness and compassion for all?

Take time to establish your house rules. Take even more time to uphold them. If your kids see you stick to your guns, they will know it is important to you and that will make those rules important to them.

Put your energy into raising families that consider dedication and courtesy to be the standard. Demonstrate clear intent when it comes to showing your kids how others should be treated and how work should be completed. Giving positive feedback for appropriate behavior will only encourage children’s understanding for the importance of respect and reliability.

By: Melanie A. Peters

 

 

Burst Your Own Bubble – July Positivity Challenge

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Burst Your Own Bubble – July Positivity Challenge

 

Burst Your Own Bubble.png

“Do one thing everyday that scares you.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Intentergy’s July Positivity Challenge is to burst your own bubbles of insecurity or fear. Send those inhibitions flying. Burst the barriers that hold you back from being happy with yourself or your life.

Here are a few things to try:

png 1 Get your bubbles in a row

  • Make a list of the things that hold you back from participating in social or professional functions or that leave you frustrated with yourself
  • Identify what events or things cause the greatest anxiety for you
  • Create a picture or chart of the stressors that rule your thoughts or constantly hang in the back of your mind

png 1 Be a Bubble Brain

  • Have a willingness to change your mind. When you are ready to stop dedicating your brain power to those fears, your brain will become too slippery for those thoughts to hold on; they will wash themselves away.
  • Address the things you listed or drew when you were getting your bubbles in a row. Short of death, what can you do to get past those big, bad bubbles?
  • Devise a plan that will help you get past those insecurities. Start with the little worries or hang ups and work your way to dispelling the bigger hindrances harbored in your heart. For example, start with your fear of trying new foods before your fear of flying. Order something new from the menu of your favorite restaurant before you tackle your fear of air planes by sky diving.
  • Ask for help. There are many resources out there. Friends, family, counselors, good books, websites (like http://www.intentergy.com), and health care professionals are ready and waiting to blow away those bubbly barriers with you.

png 1 Let the wind carry it all away

  • Once you have turned away an inhibition, let it go. Forgive yourself for the fear or reservations. You are always a work in progress. You will never forget the growth you experienced getting past that problem, but you can forget to let it have power over you again.
  • When those bubbly burdens pop back up, breeze right on past them. Remember you popped that bubble. It can’t trap you anymore.

png 1 Be a Bubble-Busting Bad Ass

  • Keep that list of fears and inhibitions handy. After the first problem is popped, move on to the next. Only you can stop yourself. They are just bubbles after all.
  • Facing your fears makes you tougher. Once you have busted that first bubble, go for the second. The sky is the limit.
  • Yes, some bubbles are going to be harder to wreak havoc on than others, but you’ve got this. You are a Bubble-Busting Bad Ass.

After you have kissed any bubble of doubt good-bye, you can expect to feel or see:

png 1 A Victory Dance

  • After breaking past those bad feelings, bust a move! Give yourself time and energy to feel good about what you have accomplished. My favorite victory dance takes form in the eating a Hershey’s chocolate bar. 🙂

png 1 Bubbles can come back

  • The bubbles will be back. Remember, you busted past that bad boy. It isn’t your barrier anymore. You are a Bubble-Busting Bad Ass.

png 1 New bubbles may pop up

  • When a new fear or insecurity flies at you, take aim at what you need to do to get past it. You have conquered other fears and doubts, the new ones are no different. Do not let them hold you back or cage you in. Forgive yourself when you feel like your fears have won. You are always a work in progress. Just keep poppin’ away.

Put your energy into blowing away the insecurities that float your direction. When it comes to shooting down those shortcomings, put positivity into your intent and your nervousness and worries can’t help but to simply dissolve away.

By: Melanie A. Peters

 

Summit’s System for Success – Wise Words Wednesday

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Summit’s System for Success – Wise Words Wednesday

Summits Success System

Pat Summit changed lives. Her headstrong, no non-sense way of facing life on and off the basketball court impacted more people than she could ever imagine.

Aside from being the winningest coach in NCAA Division I basketball history, Coach Summit brought attention to a sport that had long been overlooked and demonstrated what it was to be a strong female leader.

People respected Pat Summit and her methods. She brought about progress. That progress will continue beyond her time with us because of the lessons she taught. There was so much more to her than the competitiveness and dedication that she demonstrated. There was an understanding that anything worth doing is worth working for.

Take Pat’s advice today and make your goals something measurable. They can only become tangible, if we dedicate ourselves to the successes and failures we encounter. Work past simply writing them down. Make your words your actions. Make things happen.

Rest in peace, Coach Summit. Thank you for all you taught us.

By: Melanie A. Peters

Don’t Go Anywhere

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Don’t Go Anywhere

Don't go anywhere.JPG

My kids really like stay-at-home days. I LOVE stay-at-home days! It is so nice to be able to enjoy the comfort of our home and not rush to go anywhere.

There is something so healthy about lazy days. Relaxing on your couch or porch. Eating straight out of the pantry. Being surrounded by the familiar sounds of the air conditioner running or the creaks of floor boards or the hum of the fridge running stimulates your inner peace. When you can be completely at ease, your body can rebuild and replenish itself from the grind of constantly being on the run.

It isn’t always easy to find a full day to stay in, but find a morning or an afternoon where you can just be at home. Make time to soak up the simplicity of just being in your space and be grateful for all you have. Keep your car in park and station yourself in a seat or space that allows complete stillness.

The benefits of making quiet time resound in all you do. Allowing your mind and body some down time will make your busy time much more effective.

Not a quiet time kind of person? Play a board game with your family or work in your flower beds. Organize some drawers or rearrange your furniture. Freshen up your space with creativity or movement. You might find a new layout for your living room or a simpler way to sort your socks. All of these are ways to make your life better.

Keep your energy at home and your intents on gratitude and relaxation. Positive things will come from keeping yourself in park and will make revving up your engine a little easier next time.

By: Melanie A. Peters

 

 

 

Box Turtle

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Box Turtle

Box Turtles.jpg

Our racing turtles Elsa (bottom corner) and Fasty Big Guy (top) in their box with lots of strawberry stems, grass, tomato, and tree bark (for decoration).

Each spring our daycare celebrates the letter T by holding turtle races. My children are obsessed with these races. They nearly run me off the road every time a turtle is spied along the roadside with their desperate cries of, “Stop, Mommy, we need that turtle. He looks fast.”

We capture multiple turtles each spring. (We “lose” at least 1 each year because someone forgets to put it back in the box or the decorations added to the turtle’s environment provide a perfect escape route.) Our turtles are always returned to the wild after the races are complete, and I like to think they don’t bear too many emotional scars from the affections of my children.

Capturing and caring for the turtles for a day or so before the race offers plenty of lessons in kindness, compassion, and responsibility for my kiddos. They also have a chance to learn about nature and how our choices impact the environments of animals like the turtles. They are very aware and show tremendous consideration for how the turtles feel and towards their return to their natural environment.

Often I feel like one of those box turtles. My surroundings are commandeered  by something bigger than myself and I have little or no control of what is going on in my world. Sometimes the box seems way too small for me and other times I am not sure which way is up.

I really, really wish I could have a shell to hide in sometimes too.

Here is the happy part of my box turtle metaphor. I am controlled by someone bigger than myself. Someone who has an infinite understanding of what I am going through and a clear vision of what I am meant to do with my life. He knows what is best for me and will guide me to the ultimate finish line. If I continue to plod along, doing the best I can, I will get where I need to be and accomplish what I am meant to do. My world has been designed with a greater good in mind and provides me with limitless possibilities to live up to my potential.

So my message for all my fellow turtles out there is keep going. Don’t let the smallness of a situation hold you back. Look for those decorative escape routes (like the tree bark in the photo above 🙂 ) or remain steadfast for opportunities that are coming your way. Don’t spend too much time in your shell, you might miss all the world has to offer.

It’s a big box out there, little turtle!

By: Melanie A. Peters

 

 

 

“I understand” – Powerful!

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“I understand” – Powerful!

I understand

Hearing the words “I understand” from my child’s principal was so comforting to me. She has no clue how much power she shared in those two words.

After being nominated to serve on next year’s school board, I had to call her and graciously say, “Thank you, but not at this time.” I simply could not in good conscience accept the position.

I am suffering from a major case of too-much-to-do on top of a sever lack of I-don’t-know-what-is-coming-next, and taking on this new duty would not be fair to the school or me.

Volunteering is something I am good at and enjoy very much, but I just had to say no to someone who I really admire and don’t want to let down.

Her empathy was the cure to the ailing guilt that had been plaguing me. As a teacher, mother, and wife, she related to where I was coming from and assured me that she understood. Continue reading ““I understand” – Powerful!” →