Category Understanding and Compassion

When Your Internal Monologue Goes Mad

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When we think of people going mad, the mental images of their insanity can manifest in a million different ways.

We might picture the tortured soul giggling, huddled in a corner, with eyes devoid of coherent thought. We could envision someone enraged and mercilessly searching for their next victim to mutilate. And sometimes, we imagine them simply closing in on themselves, shutting out the world, and stowing away any of the traits that made them “normal.”

Well, my internal monologue went mad this past weekend.

It’s not the first, and I’m certain, it won’t be the last time this happens, but my inner voice took a long walk off the short pier of reason.

After three weeks of battling a sinus infection that morphed into bronchitis and then into a “touch” of pneumonia, I was already feeling pretty run down. After being told, “You should be better” and “It’s been three weeks. You think you’d be over it,” by two people that I love, I felt even worse.

As the day wore on, I found myself home alone. In my efforts to be a valuable member of our home and society, I did some dishes. As I scrubbed the dishes, the dark thoughts kept washing over me.

“Do they think I enjoy not being able to breathe?”

“It might just be better if I DID stop breathing.”

“Seriously, if I just gave up, at least my coughing and nose-blowing wouldn’t annoy them anymore.”

The thoughts went on and on. The dishes got done. The floor got swept. I was out of breath, depleted of energy, and maybe just a little bit angry.

My inner monologue had gone mad.

What did I do?

Continue reading “When Your Internal Monologue Goes Mad” →

What Sticks Out…

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This past winter, Mother Nature kicked our butts and knocked down four of our barns. She was having some sort of meltdown and threw a bunch of ice and snow at us. Hopefully, that’s all out of her system, and this next winter will be calmer.

We struggled mightily with the load of losing buidlings, but were supported by our community and family. People came out of the frozen woodwork to help us rescue turkeys and cattle from the collapsed buildings and provide food for the crews. Countless others sent prayers and messages of support. It was a mess, but we were still blessed.

After the winter storms passed and the snow melted, the scene that remained was one of a war zone.

Spring brought crazy winds and unpredictable rainstorms. It was hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but we continued to persevere by shifting our production schedule and praying for a break in the weather so clean up could begin.

While our buildings may not have all been standing, optimism could still be found

Most of the feed bins were still intact. The concrete foundations remained usable. Only one of the three turkey barns actually had birds in it, and only one calf was lost in the collapse of the barn that housed our feeder calves.

So what could posibily have stuck out as positive in this situation?

In the fold of mangled metal, our best ladder remained upright. It was hard to spot at first, but there it was just hanging out there waiting to give us a little lift.

How in the world did that ladder not get pulled down by the weight of the collapsing building?

Continue reading “What Sticks Out…” →

8,092,034,510* Other Possibilities

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As I’ve ventured through the process of seeking healthy boundaries, there is a situation that has been nagging at my heart. (See my recent post “All Full Up – New Perspectives on Boundaries” )

It took me over a year to realize a former friend was just that. Former.

After 12 months of unreturned cards, calls, texts, and messages without a hint as to why for me to say, “It’s not me.”

After 2 years and 5 months, it shouldn’t hurt that someone severed ties bound by 18 years of friendship, but, dang, it hurts.

Here’s the good news. I am not alone. There are roughly 8,092,034,510* other humans roaming this planet, who could be my friend.

Your odds are just as good (if not better based on your geographic location). This statistic is formulated from the Census.gov projection that on January 1, 2025 there were 8,092,034,511 people on Earth.

So, even if one person has moved on or you have chosen to go a separate way from someone else, the world is full of other possibilities. Possibilities for you to find friendship, support, and love.

If you are in a lonely situation or a place of being put aside, I hope you find solace in the fact that you have options. The odds are favorable that others have felt the same way. Even better there is someone out there to help you heal because, hey, they’ve been there too!

The Intenergy message here is that we are not alone. Ending a relationship or losing a connection with someone hurts. We can’t avoid those kinds of suffering, but we can give ourselves some grace as we move, grow, or heal when a relationship falls apart. We can embrace the potential for new friendships or greater development of old ones. With 8,092,034,510* other folks making their way through this world, we are bound to find someone to build a connection with and fulfill our lives in healthy, loving, and productive ways. You are not alone (verified by Census.gov).

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. The * is due to the fact that 8,092,034,511 is an estimate. People are always being born and passing away, and I wasn’t sure I should count you or myself in the estimate because I am the one experiencing a loss and maybe you are the exception because you are looking for a new friend. ANYWAY, the * means there are still lots of possibilities for friendships, love, and bonds out there.

P.P.S. I love ALL my friends, even if we haven’t spoken for a while OR they didn’t choose Kentucky to win on their March Madness bracket.

All Full Up – New Perspective on Boundaries

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Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are by Lysa TerKeurst screamed, “Read me!” from the shelves at the bookstore, library, and in my Amazon “Something you might like” recommendations. I added it to my WTR list and after a particularly disheartening week, I thought I’d give it a listen while Ubering the kids around. Yup, Amazon was right. I do like it.

I’m grateful I chose to listen to the audio version because hearing the words from Lysa TerKeurst’s actual voice made the message much more authentic and relatable, but it’s the words that have my heart aching for healthier ways to set boundaries for those I love and myself.

The crazy thing is that it took nearly to the end of the ninth chapter in a twelve-chapter book for my desperate self to realize my real problem. It’s not the expectations of others that fuel my need to establish boundaries. My issue is that I’m trying to build boundaries from the wrong end of the emotional gas gauge. I am full up on obligations while running on empty when it comes to inspiration, self-worth, and time.

Before listening to Lysa’s narrative, I believed that creating boundaries between myself and others could cause me to fail as a Christian. I thought refusing to give of myself as Christ did resulted in others not needing or appreciating me, and the best way to feel accepted and helpful was to run myself into the ground fulfilling the expectations of others. (If I’m killing myself to help, they will see my efforts and love me more, right?!?)

Continue reading “All Full Up – New Perspective on Boundaries” →

A Very Fine 9! – February Positivity Challenge

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Wow! How did NINE years happen so quickly?

Can you believe it?!?

Friday marked the 9th anniversary of Intentergy!

That’s nine years of putting positivity out there through stories, quotes, and photos. I’m proud, grateful, and somehow surprised all at the same time.

I know it’s cliche, but just like my kids, this blog grew up so quickly.

Now I have to keep it growing (just like my kids).

Friendly message from WordPress congratulating me on 9 years of Intentergy.

Let’s make February more than fine celebrating the 9th Blogiversary of Intentergy.

Let’s make it VERY FINE with nine personal goals for positivity.

These don’t have to be completed this month, but, it would be super fine to do so.

Ideas for Positive Goals:

Whichever goals you set, be sure to write them down!

The adage, “A goal that’s not written down is not a goal – it’s a dream,” preaches the importance of making your objectives concrete by writing them down.

Do it!

Write it on a post-it note, comment on this post, or make it your profile pic on social media. It doesn’t matter where you record it, just get that goal out there and then get going on making that goal a reality.

Thank you to everyone who has been a part of my Intentergy journey these last 9 years! One of my top goals is to keep Intentergy going and I’m grateful to have you all as a part of it.

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. What’s your goal?

Feeling Not-So-Smart???

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A huge portion of the time I feel like my family doesn’t think I’m smart enough to wipe my own butt. (If you have teenagers, you know.) Even more often I believe the people I encounter in daily life think I’m a cheeseburger short of a Happy Meal. Why is that?

Do you ever feel this way?

Even though we have immediate access to infinite information at our fingertips, we all seem to doubt our own ability or the ability of others to have a lick of sense. We have all developed complexes that make us feel either too smart for our own good or too dumb to function.

There’s nothing smart about either of those mindsets and it makes me want to borrow the words of Stewart Smalley from Saturday Night Live, “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And, doggone it, people like me.”

I want to get to the point where I can confidently say, “Shut up, insecurity. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I’m just as guilty as the next guy for using knowledge to puff up my self-esteem in certain situations and act like a know-it-all. (I always want to kick myself later for being snotty.) There’s something to be said for admitting we don’t have all the answers and even more to lifting others up for the knowledge and skills they possess.

It’s important to value the intelligence of individuals and recognize that it’s our unique knowledge and skills that make the world go round. If you aren’t feeling like the brightest crayon in the box, it’s okay. Broken crayons still color and can be molded to make a difference that lightens any situation.

Continue reading “Feeling Not-So-Smart???” →

She Was Smarter in the Book

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Thanks to a recent winter storm, our family hunkered down each evening after everything on the farm was too frozen to anything else and had a movie marathon. Our 16-year-old volunteered her collection of The Hunger Games movies.

For three consecutive nights, we fired up the DVD player and watched as Katniss Everdeen took on The Capitol and tried to figure out where her loyalties should lie. In her search for happiness, Katniss took turns kissing Peeta and Gale. This infuriated Hubby and our boys. “That wasn’t just a friendly kiss!” was repeated over and over, while Maggie tried to explain that Katniss and Gale were “just friends.”

As all movies based on books do, these films diverged from the plot and our sweet girl took it upon herself each time to say, “In the book…..,” and then proceeded to retell the novel version. This added to the hysteria of comments from my husband and sons.

As the peanut gallery continued with their heckling of Katniss’ escapades in Mockingjay Part 2, my daughter exclaimed, “She was smarter in the books!”

Continue reading “She Was Smarter in the Book” →

Snowflake Problems – Monthly Positivity Challenge

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Just like snowflakes, no two problems are the same. The good thing about snowflakes and problems is that they can both be temporary and lead us to witness beautiful things.

For the January Positivity Challenge, let’s think of our problems as snowflakes and let the chill of worrying about our misfortunes melt away. We can celebrate the fact that they are temporary and can be unexpectedly beneficial.

For Christmas, Hubby and I decided to take the kids on a vacation instead of giving them “stuff.” We were excited to share with them the gifts of time and experience. When we announced our plans two weeks before Christmas, their reactions were nowhere near what we expected. Our 11-year-old was full of questions about how much soda he could drink on the trip. The 13-year-old was like, “Yeah, I’ll go, but I’d rather go somewhere else.” The 16-year-old left the dinner table in tears because she could not believe we would force her to go somewhere with us without her friends.

Despite their less-than-eager reactions, the trip was booked and our sweet minions took their first-ever flight on Christmas morning. The kids complained about the early hour of our departure, but because of our timing, they got to witness a brilliant sunrise while on their first-ever flight. ❄️ #1

On Christmas morning there were not a lot of restaurants open, this was a problem because everyone was STARVING. When we finally found an IHOP open, we were seated in a corner booth and everyone had something fancy and delicious to eat. The holiday-themed decor, music, menu, and our festively dressed server made the meal feel like we were in a Hallmark Chrismas movie. ❄️#2

Continue reading “Snowflake Problems – Monthly Positivity Challenge” →

Tears Aren’t Going to Clear My Plate

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We all know about the proverbial plates in our lives. Plates that are always full of responsibilities, expectations, and commitments. With Thanksgiving tomorrow, I guess our proverbial and physical plates are about to be or have been overflowing with good stuff, stressful stuff, and stuff we really don’t need.

This morning was jam-packed with rushing to try to make all my plans fit into a time frame that probably wasn’t feasible. The harder I tried and the faster I rushed, the fuller I felt with frustration.

I heard a voice ask what I was “so darn upset about.” (It may have sounded like my husband.) I wasn’t sure why I had tears in my eyes and a burning at the back of my throat that only happens when I cry. I guess it felt like crying would take away some of what was weighing on me. But crying wasn’t going to help anything, and it sure wasn’t going to clear my proverbial plate from all my commitments.

Continue reading “Tears Aren’t Going to Clear My Plate” →

Sadly Easy to Forget

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My brave, talented friend Heather has decided to pursue a new career by going back to school to become a massage therapist and esthetician. Because I am such a good friend, I booked an appointment for a massage and facial to help Heather earn her service hours. (My booking had nothing to do with a selfish desire for a massage.)

During my massage, Heather and I talked about how important it is to take care of ourselves, but how often we fail to do so. When she massaged my shin, I said, “Oh my goodness! That hurts. I forgot it was so sore.”

In a very sympathetic voice, Heather said, “Sadly we hurt for so long sometimes that we forget about it and accept the pain as part of our day.”

Wow! That hit my heart.

We do allow ourselves to become dulled to physical and emotional pain in many situations and it is sad.

When my son was two, he suffered from frequent ear infections. When the doctor finally decided it was time for tubes in his ears, we were relieved. Hopefully, our boy would be freed from his ear pain.

Following the surgery, we started to notice him talking more and becoming increasingly verbal. It was not until we took him out to see our cows that we realized how much he was missing out on before the tubes.

Our boy LOVED the cows. He would moo loudly every time he saw a cow along the road or at the farm, but this time, when the cows started bawling, he covered his ears and cried because they were so loud. He had never heard them moo at true volume because his ears had been so congested. We never knew what he was missing out on and forgot the limitations that his blocked ears created.

Is there a pain in your life that you have accepted as something to ignore or forget?

There are many sources out there for helping heal from physical injury or past emotional abuse, but I thought it would be helpful to share a source on how to let go of the past. These lessons can be applied to physical and emotional pain in lots of ways.

According to “How to Let Go of the Past: 8 Ways to Move On,” there are eight basic ways to seek out relief from pain.

1. Question your comfort zone.
2. Let it out.
3. Take accountability.
4. Make space for the new.
5. Prioritize yourself.
6. Focus on the lessons.
7. Accept what you can’t change.
8. Seek help.

I won’t go into detail with each of these steps, but I can tell you there is relief ready to be found with releasing the aches that you let go on for too long. I love the idea of finding your comfort zone first because if you are too comfortable with accepting what hurts you, you will never make the changes necessary for it to go away. I also appreciate the step where we are challenged to prioritize ourselves. It goes back to when Heather and I discussed how easy it is to let our self-care go by the wayside. We need to relocate our priorities and find ways to identify why we hurt and make healing those pains a priority. Here is a link to the full article from psychcentral.com.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-past-and-hurt

I challenge you to think about a physical ache or a hurtful memory that has worn you down into forgetting the source of the pain. Put energy into healing that hurt, focus on what that pain has taught you, and seek the help you need to correct your problem or build the skills to be pain-free. Don’t let the ease of accepting a painful situation, because you just don’t want to think about it, be the frame of mind that you find yourself in each day. Put purpose in remembering what it is to feel good and forget about allowing yourself to feel bad.

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. Be selfish get yourself a massage or facial. I know a great gal to call.

Works Cited

“How to Let Go of Past Hurts: 8 Ways to Move On.” Psych Central, 29 Aug. 2022, psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-past-and-hurt.

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