Tag Wise Words

The First Person You Cancel On…

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Dependability. Consideration. Support. Trust.

We all strive to bring these characteristics to our relationships. No one wants to be known as the “canceller” or the “flake” in friendship. Even with the universal expectation for accountability, we all know life happens. Sometimes we are forced to detour from plans or take rain checks.

I hate asking for rain checks, and it absolutely kills me to be the one who lets someone else down.

(Seriously, I lie awake at night and stew about failures to follow through on plans, even when there was no way to prevent it.)

Despite my extreme aversion to being a “canceller,” there is one person I let down way too often.

It was not until I started reading Rachel Hollis’ book, Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be, that I recognized my frequent-flake status.

In Girl, Wash Your Face, the chapters are dedicated to the lies we tell ourselves. These lies prevent us from seeking out our most successful selves. Hollis shares in her writing how she debunked her personal lies and her methods for overcoming predicaments she faced with each lie. I hadn’t even gotten through Chapter 2, “The Lie: I’ll Start Tomorrow,” when my personal-lie-realization rammed me right in the heart.

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All Full Up – New Perspective on Boundaries

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Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are by Lysa TerKeurst screamed, “Read me!” from the shelves at the bookstore, library, and in my Amazon “Something you might like” recommendations. I added it to my WTR list and after a particularly disheartening week, I thought I’d give it a listen while Ubering the kids around. Yup, Amazon was right. I do like it.

I’m grateful I chose to listen to the audio version because hearing the words from Lysa TerKeurst’s actual voice made the message much more authentic and relatable, but it’s the words that have my heart aching for healthier ways to set boundaries for those I love and myself.

The crazy thing is that it took nearly to the end of the ninth chapter in a twelve-chapter book for my desperate self to realize my real problem. It’s not the expectations of others that fuel my need to establish boundaries. My issue is that I’m trying to build boundaries from the wrong end of the emotional gas gauge. I am full up on obligations while running on empty when it comes to inspiration, self-worth, and time.

Before listening to Lysa’s narrative, I believed that creating boundaries between myself and others could cause me to fail as a Christian. I thought refusing to give of myself as Christ did resulted in others not needing or appreciating me, and the best way to feel accepted and helpful was to run myself into the ground fulfilling the expectations of others. (If I’m killing myself to help, they will see my efforts and love me more, right?!?)

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Don’t Feed the Fears.

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Last week I heard someone say, “Fear is what you feed it.” It wasn’t the first time I’d heard it, but for some reason this time the adage activated my little, blog-writing mind. I began thinking about all the fears I have been feeding lately. Holiday planning pressures, parenting failures, scheduling screw-ups, physical fitness, and financial flops were just a few of my starving stressors.

To assuage my anxious appetite, I planned to attend a Stretch and Flex class at the gym. It’s a yoga-inspired class that is calming and physically challenging all at once.

I was stoked.

Unfortunately, I was also at the gym at the WRONG time.

When I arrived, I saw the yoga mats being rolled up and stationary bikes being rolled out. What!?! Stretch and Flex was the 5:00 a.m. class. I had just showed up for the 5:50 a.m. spin class.

This did not look relaxing. This looked like I was going to have to get on a bike.
(I have never been much of a bike rider and the idea of a spin class frightened me.)

My friend Kristen, the class instructor, was elated to see me and rushed to adjust MY bike seat to the correct height and help shove my feet in the strap, cage-looking contraptions on the pedals.
(What if I fell off? I was going to be hung up in a stationary bike. This was going to be rough.) Kristen kindly showed me where to put my water bottle and placed a hand weight on my handlebars. Apparently, I was ready for spin class.

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I Am Not Okay – Stuck on Repeat

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Listening to the radio is often frustrating because I feel like the same songs are played over and over. Like most people, my drive times are pretty consistent. Two days a week I drive my son to his 6:00 p.m. practice. When we get in the car, we jokingly place bets on what songs we will hear first because they are always the same.

In the past few weeks, there has been one song in particular that I haven’t minded being on repeat. It is “I Am Not Okay” by Jelly Roll.
(If you haven’t heard it, please give it a listen, but be sure to listen all the way through.)

While singing along with the gravel, grit, and pain in Jelly Roll’s voice, I started to feel something loosening in my heart last week. I looked at my 11-year-old and sang, “I am not okay. I’m barely getting by. I’m losing track of days and losing sleep at night… I know I can’t be the only one who’s holding on for dear life.” My sweet boy laughed at me and said, “Mom, you are okay.” As I sang the rest of the lyrics to him via my in-car concert, I felt like I couldn’t stop until the last verse. When I got to the last verse, I couldn’t go on. My heart hurt too much to sing.

As we pulled into practice, I told my son to go on in. I would be in shortly.

He went in. I broke down.

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It’s Okay if Things Go “Sploosh”

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Sometimes I find myself consumed with what-ifs. So consumed in fact, that my thoughts have no where to go but straight to panic mode. As I planned for a recent girls weekend, (one that my worry-logged nerves desperately needed) I asked Hubby to help me with getting a load of firewood. My gal pals and I were staying at a secluded cabin, complete with wood-burning fireplace, and the weatherforecast was calling for snow.

After some impressive chainsaw brandishing, Hubby and I had filled a tractor bucket full of logs. When I told my loving lumberjack that I would stack the logs on the flatbed to drive to the cabin, he told me not to worry. He would simply dump the wood right on the truck, and it would be ready to go. Immediately, my internal anxiety alarms started sounding in my head. He asked if I was okay with that plan. I told him all I could picture in my mind were the logs going “sploosh” as he put them on the truck or flying off as we drove down the highway. He firmly but lovingly put his hands on my shoulders and said, “It’s okay if things go ‘sploosh’ sometimes.”

With that statement my tears wanted to splash but, instead, I found a giggle for his use of “sploosh.”

I knew he was right and maybe, just maybe, if I could get over my fear of the potential “splooshes” in life, I could get past the nervousness that has been nagging at me so heavily lately.

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Walls or Bridges? – Wise Words Wednesday

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As I listen to my children bicker and fight over a kickball game in our basement, I am frustrated by the unkind words they use and the mean way they pick apart one another’s attempts to kick, run, and throw. It hurts me to hear them use such forceful language when it’s supposed to be a fun game.

What I have to remind myself is that their play is a way to learn the basics of the game, how to handle conflict, and ways to work with others while being competitive. Those viscous kickball games are growing opportunities for turning thrown stones into bridges for better play and successful communication in the future. (That doesn’t make their taunting any easier to hear though.)

Unfortunately, my kiddos’ emotional “rock collecting” has not been limited to the jabs and insults of their siblings. My children (like all kids) have come home with hurt in their eyes and frustration in their hearts from things said and done at school and sports practices. Seeing my kids hurt by the words and actions of others is probably the hardest part of being a parent. These challenges have forced me to dig deep into my repertoire of comfort and advice, but also add to the School of Hard Knocks’ curriculum as my children earn their diplomas in adolescence.

“When people throw rocks, you can either build walls or bridges.
Be a bridge builder”
– Lynda Mullaly Hunt

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Make Things Go Right – Wise Words Wednesday

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My spring anxiety has been full throttle lately, and after a super duper coffee date with my gal pal Erin, I don’t think I’m alone. She shared own version of the springtime stress out with me. Erin said she has also been feeling weighed down by a lot of stuff that she can’t control. We both were experiencing some crazy symptoms of stress. Have you been feel extra anxious or has your heart been beating faster lately or sleep been elusive?

If you answered, “yes,” to any of those, today’s post is for you.

“Being afraid of things going wrong isn’t the way to make things go right.”

Five months ago, you may remember that an election was held in our country. Prior to the election, tempers were flared and fear was prevalent in every aspect of our lives thanks to media coverage and unprecedented exposure to the candidates and their opinions. Unfortunately, the political circus left us all feeling like there were only two extreme options for leading our nation. Those drastic options caused most of us to believe, no matter who was elected, we would not be represented in the highest offices of our government. The new leadership has taken its place and the fears and uncertainty have morphed in new ways.

Here’s the beauty of todays’ message. We can’t let worry over what is going to go wrong consume us, because we can’t necessarily change the what-if’s. We can do our best to serve our nation in ways that are honest, right, and diligent. The concerns that we had before the election are things of the past, and we have the power now to move forward with our actions and intents. We have to elect to be rational, respectful, and responsible citizens and let those same attributes preside over our attitudes.

As the season is changing, so too should our outlook and the way we handle stresse caused by things out of our control.

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Alien Forgiveness – Wise Words Wednesday

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Mom-guilt is the WORST guilt. After a recent bought with illness, I had to wrestle this most worrisome of self-reproaches. Mom-guilt crept up often as I tried to get rest, let the kids cook, and not let the chaos of my unkempt home get to me.

I was sick enough that an outer space alien could have easily taken up residence and claimed our home for his base, and I would not have felt the impact, so forgiveness is an alien entity I’m going to have to let in.

Climbing my way out of the chaos and regaining my strength, I’m finding that I need to be nice to myself or I’m never going to feel better. (Maybe not “never”, but it’s going to take a while.)

As we tackle the challenges of giving our families the “perfect” Christmas and making all of our relationships as meaningful as possible, I encourage you to accept that most alien of notions, the notion of self-forgiveness.

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Condoleezza Rice, will you have lunch with me? – Sincerely, Intentergy

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Dear Condoleezza Rice,

I would like to cordially invite you to have lunch with me. My desire for this lunch date is so sincere that you may choose the day, time, and location that works best for you.

You and I share some very similar interests. We both love to sing and love our nation. We share the belief that good leaders listen, stand up for what needs to be done, and that sometimes simple solutions are all that is needed to make big changes.

Your mom was a teacher, and I am a mom and a teacher. So we both value education and moms.

You’ve written and published children’s books and having children’s books published from my pen is on my bucket list. (Maybe you could recommend a good literary agent.)

You are much better at golf than I, but maybe you could give me some pointers as we dine.

A love of laughter and sincerity are also things we have in common, and I know we could both use a sincere conversation and laugh right now. (People tell me I’m pretty funny, so I’ve got that to bring to the table.)

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At Least You Don’t Have Hobbit Feet and Ears – Wise Words Wednesday

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I think I speak for a lot of folks when I say that starting the day as a pandemic-exhausted parent has me feeling like Gandalf facing the legions of Sauron’s forces while also being Frodo seeking the best route up Mount Doom to destroy the Ring. I just want to make the bad stuff go away and bring about peace without too much destruction.

Just as Gandalf, Frodo, and their companions discovered, there are an awful lot of things looming in the way before we can make each day successful. Thankfully J.R.R. Tolkien provided many layers of inspiration for us in The Lord of the Rings series starting with, “There is some good in this world, and it’s worth fighting for.” (A totally Intentergy way of thinking.)

hobbits 7

To bring the full Intentergy spirit to this post I want to remind everyone that it’s good to not have just one “precious” person or thing that absorbs all our energy and attention. Keep your loyal and loving companions close. If you get lost, scared, or distracted, there are plenty of ways to turn a new page. 

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