Category Attitude

All Full Up – New Perspective on Boundaries

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Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are by Lysa TerKeurst screamed, “Read me!” from the shelves at the bookstore, library, and in my Amazon “Something you might like” recommendations. I added it to my WTR list and after a particularly disheartening week, I thought I’d give it a listen while Ubering the kids around. Yup, Amazon was right. I do like it.

I’m grateful I chose to listen to the audio version because hearing the words from Lysa TerKeurst’s actual voice made the message much more authentic and relatable, but it’s the words that have my heart aching for healthier ways to set boundaries for those I love and myself.

The crazy thing is that it took nearly to the end of the ninth chapter in a twelve-chapter book for my desperate self to realize my real problem. It’s not the expectations of others that fuel my need to establish boundaries. My issue is that I’m trying to build boundaries from the wrong end of the emotional gas gauge. I am full up on obligations while running on empty when it comes to inspiration, self-worth, and time.

Before listening to Lysa’s narrative, I believed that creating boundaries between myself and others could cause me to fail as a Christian. I thought refusing to give of myself as Christ did resulted in others not needing or appreciating me, and the best way to feel accepted and helpful was to run myself into the ground fulfilling the expectations of others. (If I’m killing myself to help, they will see my efforts and love me more, right?!?)

Continue reading “All Full Up – New Perspective on Boundaries” →

A Very Fine 9! – February Positivity Challenge

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Wow! How did NINE years happen so quickly?

Can you believe it?!?

Friday marked the 9th anniversary of Intentergy!

That’s nine years of putting positivity out there through stories, quotes, and photos. I’m proud, grateful, and somehow surprised all at the same time.

I know it’s cliche, but just like my kids, this blog grew up so quickly.

Now I have to keep it growing (just like my kids).

Friendly message from WordPress congratulating me on 9 years of Intentergy.

Let’s make February more than fine celebrating the 9th Blogiversary of Intentergy.

Let’s make it VERY FINE with nine personal goals for positivity.

These don’t have to be completed this month, but, it would be super fine to do so.

Ideas for Positive Goals:

Whichever goals you set, be sure to write them down!

The adage, “A goal that’s not written down is not a goal – it’s a dream,” preaches the importance of making your objectives concrete by writing them down.

Do it!

Write it on a post-it note, comment on this post, or make it your profile pic on social media. It doesn’t matter where you record it, just get that goal out there and then get going on making that goal a reality.

Thank you to everyone who has been a part of my Intentergy journey these last 9 years! One of my top goals is to keep Intentergy going and I’m grateful to have you all as a part of it.

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. What’s your goal?

Happy New New Year!

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My friend Emily sent a text announcing that her 2025 will officially begin on February 1st. (I received this message on January 21st.)

I replied, “We all have to start somewhere.”

If your 2025 has started a little rocky, you are not alone.

Since January 1st, we’ve lost four buildings, a couple thousand turkeys, and some cattle on our farm to Mother Nature and her nasty ice and snow fits.

The building Hubby and our crew retrofitted after one of the turkey barns collapsed completely froze up and enough portable heaters had to be procured to warm the poor, traumatized birds inside. It’s not easy to find heaters in the middle of an Arctic depression.

My family planned to celebrate my grandmother’s 97th birthday this past weekend at her nursing home. A COVID outbreak occurred 48 hours before the party and the celebration had to be canceled. (Please pray for the nursing home staff and residents.)

My daughter’s cell phone was lost in the one fun thing she did last week (sledding) before Snowmagedon, and we have not relocated it.

AND I’ve been suffering from a nasty cold that has my brain, ears, and nose all clogged up. (Yuck!)

Some serious clean-up is needed to get past this dumpster fire of the first three weeks.

Do-overs aren’t really an option. We can’t turn back time, but we can create a reset for ourselves. Here are three things I’ve decided to focus on in an attempt to celebrate our newly established New Year:

#1. It’s important to acknowledge we are not alone.
#2. Sometimes we have to take the trash out before we can see the clean start before us.
#3. We all have to start somewhere.

Here’s the good news. The first three weeks are behind us and there are 49 glorious 7-day series ahead ready for us to find success. Finding the right place to start is imperative because we all have to start somewhere.

How do we decide what trash to take out? How do we reclaim that fresh start?

Let’s revisit our checklist:
#1. It’s important to acknowledge we are not alone.
#2. Sometimes we have to take the trash out before we can see the clean start before us.
#3. We all have to start somewhere.

Continue reading “Happy New New Year!” →

Feeling Not-So-Smart???

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A huge portion of the time I feel like my family doesn’t think I’m smart enough to wipe my own butt. (If you have teenagers, you know.) Even more often I believe the people I encounter in daily life think I’m a cheeseburger short of a Happy Meal. Why is that?

Do you ever feel this way?

Even though we have immediate access to infinite information at our fingertips, we all seem to doubt our own ability or the ability of others to have a lick of sense. We have all developed complexes that make us feel either too smart for our own good or too dumb to function.

There’s nothing smart about either of those mindsets and it makes me want to borrow the words of Stewart Smalley from Saturday Night Live, “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And, doggone it, people like me.”

I want to get to the point where I can confidently say, “Shut up, insecurity. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I’m just as guilty as the next guy for using knowledge to puff up my self-esteem in certain situations and act like a know-it-all. (I always want to kick myself later for being snotty.) There’s something to be said for admitting we don’t have all the answers and even more to lifting others up for the knowledge and skills they possess.

It’s important to value the intelligence of individuals and recognize that it’s our unique knowledge and skills that make the world go round. If you aren’t feeling like the brightest crayon in the box, it’s okay. Broken crayons still color and can be molded to make a difference that lightens any situation.

Continue reading “Feeling Not-So-Smart???” →

Trapped by Uncertainty?

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Fear of the unknown has to be one of the scariest things I can think of, but sometimes my inquisitive nature gets the better of me and I JUST HAVE TO KNOW. One such adventure presented itself on a visit to the Missouri Botanical Gardens. In one of the garden’s centers, there was a hexagon-shaped glass case, illuminated with red lights, and labeled “Vivian’s Burrow.” (I named it the “Hexagon of Uncertainty.”)

To discover Vivian’s identity, guests have to climb into the stand and view the burrow from inside the glass. There is no way to escape quickly if what’s inside that burrow is too scary. Its inhabitant will be right there, in your face, until you can wiggle your way back out. You could be temporarily trapped at eye-to-eye with uncertainty and your greatest fear.

I JUST HAD to see who Vivian was.

(Rachel was not as “curious” and did NOT venture into the “Hexagon of Uncertainty.”)

Me inside the “Hexagon of Uncertainty” looking for Vivian’s Burrow

I am not particularly fond of any rodent, to be honest, so I was slightly afraid that I was going to find myself nose to nose with some sort of mousey creature.

Continue reading “Trapped by Uncertainty?” →

Only One Jalapeño Could Win

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The Winner of the “Which Jalapeño Recipe Should Melanie Make” Survey is…

BACON-WRAPPED JALAPENOS!

Thanks so much to everyone who read “More Than One Way to Slice a Jalapeño” and voted for the recipe they would like to see most! (Rachel, get your camera crew gear on, we are going to make a video!)

My family is very excited about the winner because it is one of their favorites, and they will benefit from all the jalapeño goodness that comes from cooking them.

The survey also asked what topics readers would like to have more of in 2025. Here are the results.

It looks like we are going to put our Intentergy into battling stress and anxiety as a priority and make some good, faith-filled food along the way. Thanks so much to everyone who gave their input!

Comments are always welcome, and some folks were kind enough to add a few to the survey.

As far as all of my writing being wonderful, I appreciate your bias, but I’m going to keep trying to get better. Friendship and its importance are definitely worthy topics for future posts. As for the jalapeño jelly recipe, we might be able to work something out while the bacon-wrapped alapeños are grilling.

Intentergy is energy with positive purpose. Writing for this blog has buoyed me through some not-so-positive times and having people who are willing to read and seek out the Intertergy in their own lives makes the world a better place. Thank you!

I’m excited to get the winning recipe out there for others to try and eager to publish more posts spreading Intentergy. Here’s to spicy, happy eating, and joyful, inspired reading!

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. Always feel free to comment… even if your Jalapeño recipe choice didn’t win.

A Wet Garden All to Ourselves

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In September, my friend Rachel and I planned a girls’ trip around a few doctor appointments. We booked a hotel room and made exciting plans to attend the last home game for the St. Louis Cardinals and visit the Missouri Botanical Gardens.

The Cardinals’ game was a win and the weather was perfect. That night we enjoyed watching football and relaxing in our hotel room, but when we woke the next morning Mother Nature had experienced a mood change and it was pouring rain.

Who wants to walk around a botanical garden in the rain?

Well, I guess we did.

The guy who sold us our entry tickets said we probably wouldn’t get to see much of the gardens without getting wet. We thanked him, took our visitor’s map, and headed out hoping to walk between the drops.

We quickly found refuge in one of the coolest greenhouses ever. Inside its walls were some of the most fascinating plants with the coolest names.

(This is the greenhouse I’m going to ask Hubby to build for me.)

We discovered plants that are on the brink of extinction, including one called the “Fine Lady.” Rachel and I decided that they may have named this plant after us because we are definitely a rare breed.

How does a “Fine Lady” end up on the list of Endangered Plants?

She’s “fine” after all. Maybe there IS something wrong with being just “fine.”

There were some seriously exotic plants, like the Buddha’s Hand. It was kind of creepy, and I really kind of want one.

As we enjoyed checking out the foliage and fruits of the first greenhouse, the rain let up. We made our way through the rose garden and around the waterlily ponds without having to share the space with a single other soul.

We had the beautiful, but wet, botanical gardens all to ourselves.

Before the rain returned, we decided to find the Climatron. It was advertised as the highlight of the gardens and a completely enclosed rainforest environment.

The Climatron was amazing! The rainy weather had woken all of the plants and they put on a most brilliant display. The thought and effort put into creating The Climatron forest were inspiring and we witnessed countless moments of organic beauty as we wondered its paths. I guess we really were the kind of people who wanted to walk around a botanical garden in the rain.

While the weather changed our plans and the plants made us feel small, the experience made a big impact on how we were able to spend our time. Our stroll through the gardens was comfortable, unrushed, and without distraction from anyone else. If we had given up on our plans because of the rain, we would have missed out on such a unique experience.

We took a chance, despite the weather, and it paid off.

We didn’t settle for “It’s fine; we don’t have to go,” and our visit was a vibrant experience that not a lot of people got to see that day.

I encourage you to do the same. Take a chance. Make a plan. Stick to your plan. Enjoy all you witness and know that your unique escapade has enriched your life.

Put some energy into planning something beautiful and I’m certain your purpose will be rewarded, maybe soggy, but rewarded in some very cool ways.

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. Does anyone have blueprints for that greenhouse? Hubby is going to need them.

Fine ladies (Not Endangered) under a waterfall in the Botanical Garden.

Tears Aren’t Going to Clear My Plate

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We all know about the proverbial plates in our lives. Plates that are always full of responsibilities, expectations, and commitments. With Thanksgiving tomorrow, I guess our proverbial and physical plates are about to be or have been overflowing with good stuff, stressful stuff, and stuff we really don’t need.

This morning was jam-packed with rushing to try to make all my plans fit into a time frame that probably wasn’t feasible. The harder I tried and the faster I rushed, the fuller I felt with frustration.

I heard a voice ask what I was “so darn upset about.” (It may have sounded like my husband.) I wasn’t sure why I had tears in my eyes and a burning at the back of my throat that only happens when I cry. I guess it felt like crying would take away some of what was weighing on me. But crying wasn’t going to help anything, and it sure wasn’t going to clear my proverbial plate from all my commitments.

Continue reading “Tears Aren’t Going to Clear My Plate” →

Sadly Easy to Forget

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My brave, talented friend Heather has decided to pursue a new career by going back to school to become a massage therapist and esthetician. Because I am such a good friend, I booked an appointment for a massage and facial to help Heather earn her service hours. (My booking had nothing to do with a selfish desire for a massage.)

During my massage, Heather and I talked about how important it is to take care of ourselves, but how often we fail to do so. When she massaged my shin, I said, “Oh my goodness! That hurts. I forgot it was so sore.”

In a very sympathetic voice, Heather said, “Sadly we hurt for so long sometimes that we forget about it and accept the pain as part of our day.”

Wow! That hit my heart.

We do allow ourselves to become dulled to physical and emotional pain in many situations and it is sad.

When my son was two, he suffered from frequent ear infections. When the doctor finally decided it was time for tubes in his ears, we were relieved. Hopefully, our boy would be freed from his ear pain.

Following the surgery, we started to notice him talking more and becoming increasingly verbal. It was not until we took him out to see our cows that we realized how much he was missing out on before the tubes.

Our boy LOVED the cows. He would moo loudly every time he saw a cow along the road or at the farm, but this time, when the cows started bawling, he covered his ears and cried because they were so loud. He had never heard them moo at true volume because his ears had been so congested. We never knew what he was missing out on and forgot the limitations that his blocked ears created.

Is there a pain in your life that you have accepted as something to ignore or forget?

There are many sources out there for helping heal from physical injury or past emotional abuse, but I thought it would be helpful to share a source on how to let go of the past. These lessons can be applied to physical and emotional pain in lots of ways.

According to “How to Let Go of the Past: 8 Ways to Move On,” there are eight basic ways to seek out relief from pain.

1. Question your comfort zone.
2. Let it out.
3. Take accountability.
4. Make space for the new.
5. Prioritize yourself.
6. Focus on the lessons.
7. Accept what you can’t change.
8. Seek help.

I won’t go into detail with each of these steps, but I can tell you there is relief ready to be found with releasing the aches that you let go on for too long. I love the idea of finding your comfort zone first because if you are too comfortable with accepting what hurts you, you will never make the changes necessary for it to go away. I also appreciate the step where we are challenged to prioritize ourselves. It goes back to when Heather and I discussed how easy it is to let our self-care go by the wayside. We need to relocate our priorities and find ways to identify why we hurt and make healing those pains a priority. Here is a link to the full article from psychcentral.com.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-past-and-hurt

I challenge you to think about a physical ache or a hurtful memory that has worn you down into forgetting the source of the pain. Put energy into healing that hurt, focus on what that pain has taught you, and seek the help you need to correct your problem or build the skills to be pain-free. Don’t let the ease of accepting a painful situation, because you just don’t want to think about it, be the frame of mind that you find yourself in each day. Put purpose in remembering what it is to feel good and forget about allowing yourself to feel bad.

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. Be selfish get yourself a massage or facial. I know a great gal to call.

Works Cited

“How to Let Go of Past Hurts: 8 Ways to Move On.” Psych Central, 29 Aug. 2022, psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-past-and-hurt.

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The Unexpected (Unwanted) Push

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When I was collecting ideas for my post on the Monster Hissy Fit, my friend Angela told me about a time when her daughter Brielle melted down and held up the queue for a zipline ride. The story of that zipline experience inspired its own post.

As many rides do, the Pumpkin Patch zipline required riders to be a certain height and weight and to wear a safety helmet. Brielle has wonderfully thick, dark hair. She always wears it in a high ponytail. The safety helmet for the zipline required her to lower the ponytail. Brielle was not agreeable to this stipulation and refused to let Angela redo her hair.

The line was growing longer, the ponytail was not fitting tightly in the helmet, and the operators of the ride were not willing to let her go without the helmet fitting snuggly. Angela did what any rational mother would do in this situation.

She shoved the helmet over the ponytail, pushed her daughter off the platform, and let the ride operators know she took responsibility for her daughter’s safety and the loose helmet.

After experiencing the exhilaration of the zipline, Brielle came running from the ride, face flushed back to Angela, and she cried in disbelief, “You pushed me!”

Her obstinate girl got what she wanted, but she did not appreciate Angela’s push.

Have you ever been pushed into something you weren’t ready for?

Continue reading “The Unexpected (Unwanted) Push” →