Category Saying “No” is ok

8,092,034,510* Other Possibilities

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As I’ve ventured through the process of seeking healthy boundaries, there is a situation that has been nagging at my heart. (See my recent post “All Full Up – New Perspectives on Boundaries” )

It took me over a year to realize a former friend was just that. Former.

After 12 months of unreturned cards, calls, texts, and messages without a hint as to why for me to say, “It’s not me.”

After 2 years and 5 months, it shouldn’t hurt that someone severed ties bound by 18 years of friendship, but, dang, it hurts.

Here’s the good news. I am not alone. There are roughly 8,092,034,510* other humans roaming this planet, who could be my friend.

Your odds are just as good (if not better based on your geographic location). This statistic is formulated from the Census.gov projection that on January 1, 2025 there were 8,092,034,511 people on Earth.

So, even if one person has moved on or you have chosen to go a separate way from someone else, the world is full of other possibilities. Possibilities for you to find friendship, support, and love.

If you are in a lonely situation or a place of being put aside, I hope you find solace in the fact that you have options. The odds are favorable that others have felt the same way. Even better there is someone out there to help you heal because, hey, they’ve been there too!

The Intenergy message here is that we are not alone. Ending a relationship or losing a connection with someone hurts. We can’t avoid those kinds of suffering, but we can give ourselves some grace as we move, grow, or heal when a relationship falls apart. We can embrace the potential for new friendships or greater development of old ones. With 8,092,034,510* other folks making their way through this world, we are bound to find someone to build a connection with and fulfill our lives in healthy, loving, and productive ways. You are not alone (verified by Census.gov).

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. The * is due to the fact that 8,092,034,511 is an estimate. People are always being born and passing away, and I wasn’t sure I should count you or myself in the estimate because I am the one experiencing a loss and maybe you are the exception because you are looking for a new friend. ANYWAY, the * means there are still lots of possibilities for friendships, love, and bonds out there.

P.P.S. I love ALL my friends, even if we haven’t spoken for a while OR they didn’t choose Kentucky to win on their March Madness bracket.

All Full Up – New Perspective on Boundaries

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Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are by Lysa TerKeurst screamed, “Read me!” from the shelves at the bookstore, library, and in my Amazon “Something you might like” recommendations. I added it to my WTR list and after a particularly disheartening week, I thought I’d give it a listen while Ubering the kids around. Yup, Amazon was right. I do like it.

I’m grateful I chose to listen to the audio version because hearing the words from Lysa TerKeurst’s actual voice made the message much more authentic and relatable, but it’s the words that have my heart aching for healthier ways to set boundaries for those I love and myself.

The crazy thing is that it took nearly to the end of the ninth chapter in a twelve-chapter book for my desperate self to realize my real problem. It’s not the expectations of others that fuel my need to establish boundaries. My issue is that I’m trying to build boundaries from the wrong end of the emotional gas gauge. I am full up on obligations while running on empty when it comes to inspiration, self-worth, and time.

Before listening to Lysa’s narrative, I believed that creating boundaries between myself and others could cause me to fail as a Christian. I thought refusing to give of myself as Christ did resulted in others not needing or appreciating me, and the best way to feel accepted and helpful was to run myself into the ground fulfilling the expectations of others. (If I’m killing myself to help, they will see my efforts and love me more, right?!?)

Continue reading “All Full Up – New Perspective on Boundaries” →

Tears Aren’t Going to Clear My Plate

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We all know about the proverbial plates in our lives. Plates that are always full of responsibilities, expectations, and commitments. With Thanksgiving tomorrow, I guess our proverbial and physical plates are about to be or have been overflowing with good stuff, stressful stuff, and stuff we really don’t need.

This morning was jam-packed with rushing to try to make all my plans fit into a time frame that probably wasn’t feasible. The harder I tried and the faster I rushed, the fuller I felt with frustration.

I heard a voice ask what I was “so darn upset about.” (It may have sounded like my husband.) I wasn’t sure why I had tears in my eyes and a burning at the back of my throat that only happens when I cry. I guess it felt like crying would take away some of what was weighing on me. But crying wasn’t going to help anything, and it sure wasn’t going to clear my proverbial plate from all my commitments.

Continue reading “Tears Aren’t Going to Clear My Plate” →

Defining Sabbatical

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What the heck is a “sabbatical”? This was the question my kids asked as I planned a mini-vacation for myself. I explained to them that a “sabbatical” was my time to recharge after surviving the spring semester. According to Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary, a sabbatical is a break or change from a normal routine (as of employment).

What does “sabbatical” mean to you?

After subbing the last 13 weeks of the school year for junior high language arts and fulfilling my duties for our farm, I needed a break from the “normal” routine. I needed a complete reset, so booking a cabin for a couple of nights made perfect sense. My packing consisted only of comfortable clothes, food, books, wine, and melatonin. I was bound and determined to relax on my “sabbatical.”

The hardest part about taking the sabbatical was my guilt. I felt terribly guilty about leaving hubby and the kiddos and neglecting my responsibilities at our home and farm. I felt guilty about missing baseball games and gymnastics practices. I felt guilty about leaving my dog. I felt guilty about the fact that I had no purpose other than to rest. I was crazy.

Taking those 72 hours to relax, recharge, and rediscover my motivation was the healthiest thing I could have done. I now believe that is what a sabbatical should do.

Continue reading “Defining Sabbatical” →

Avoiding the World’s Fastest Shower & Squirrels

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Frequently, I find myself announcing to my already-running-late family that I am going to take “The World’s Fastest Shower,” and then we will be out the door. 

I turn the faucet handle to start the water,  brush my teeth while the water warms, jump in the shower, and begin counting down from 100 like a crazed stopwatch challenging myself to get clean and get out in under 100 seconds.

This is insane.

I know.

The “World’s Fastest Shower” may freshen me up, but it fogs my focus and definitely puts a damper on my day.

Do you do this? Do you rush yourself through things that should make you healthier and happier for the sake of keeping up with your schedule? How fast do you eat your breakfast? Do you race through reading directions only to find you skipped a step because you thought it would save time? Do you attempt to take “The World’s Fastest Shower” thinking it’ll wash away the fact that you have too much to do but are too stinky to be around the other scurrying schedule-followers? 

I think we all do. We all give ourselves crazy countdowns for the sake of keeping up. Wouldn’t it be even crazier if we stopped?

For me, the answer to avoiding “The World’s Fastest Shower” comes from not wasting my time on the “squirrels” in the room. While we have actually had furry, four-legged squirrels in our rooms (A story for a later blog post), I’m talking about the proverbial “squirrels.” These are the “squirrels” that come in the form of an unopened email, a pile of laundry, a broken door handle, a dusty photo frame, or any other distraction that trips up our ability to stay on task. 

If I could just ignore the stuff that isn’t going anywhere (i.e. dust, laundry, broken door handle, etc.), I would not be on 10, 9, 8, 7…. as I frantically try to rinse the face wash out of my hair and scrape the hair conditioner off my face. Do you feel my pain?

Here’s the challenge to all of us: Avoid the need to hold the Guinness World Record for Shortest Shower Time by leaving the “squirrels” to nest on their pesky perches. Slow down for the sake of keeping soap out of our eyes and avoiding a wipeout as we try to stick the landing leaping from the shower to get dressed. 

If it helps, you can hang a “No Squirrels” sign on your mirror reminding yourself that you don’t need to alphabetize unpaid bills or sort the unmatched socks from the last six months before you leave. The more frequently we let the “squirrels” go and give ourselves time to get ready, the easier it will be to avoid the slip-ups and stress of disastrous dashes out the door. Intentergy is energy with a positive purpose, and I can’t think of a healthier way to get your purpose energized than starting off the day without letting the “squirrels” get in the way.

By: Melanie A. Peters

P.S. I looked on the Guinness World Records website and there were no entries for “Fastest Shower,” “Fastest Shower Taken,” or “Fastest Bath” listed.

Blank Terror #BlogBattle

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“Sign here, please.” – Words that strike fear into hearts every minute of every day.

“Sign here, please.” – What do these words imply?

They imply agreement, sacrifice, and worst of all – commitment.

Don't be King Triton – Consult with a Lawyer! - Hirsch & Westheimer, P.C. - Attorneys and Counselors since 1913.

When I think of blank terror, I always remember the scene in Disney’s The Little Mermaid where Ariel is so desperate to become human that she signs away her voice in exchange for a chance to meet Prince Eric.

Everything in her body language says, “I really don’t want to do this,” but, if you’ve seen the movie, you know in her heart she felt like she HAD to sign it.

What is the scariest blank you ever had to sign?

Continue reading “Blank Terror #BlogBattle” →

Absolutely Worth It – Wise Words Wednesday

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Will it be easy? Nope. Worth it? Absolutely!

There are two scenarios for this holiday season that come to mind when I think of what’s worthy of effort.

Scenario 1: Putting up Christmas decorations, particularly outdoor lights, is a tough job. It requires precarious positioning of one’s self while attempting to securely attach, mount, or hang the lights in a way that is both esthetically pleasing and able to withstand potential blizzards. Once the lights are in place and any necessary medical attention has been sought, the display of glowing Christmas spirit can warm even the coldest of Grinch hearts.
Was it easy to get those eight pre-lit reindeer with Santa’s sleigh AND the inflatable Snoopy snow globe on the roof? No.
Could you ever imagine the amount of time it would take to assemble your Made-in-China nativity using words that baby Jesus should never have heard? No. But you do it anyway, and it’s worth every watt of energy and effort because you are letting ALL your Christmas lights shine.

Scenario 2: The second scenario of the season is a bit tougher. As our world continues to battle the COVID crisis, I encourage you to envision a holiday where you loosen your hold on what tradition says we MUST do to make Christmas happen.

Will it be easy? Nope. Worth it? Absolutely!

Continue reading “Absolutely Worth It – Wise Words Wednesday” →

Put Some Battles Back

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Put some back

Put some battles back. Never will I claim to be an expert at saying “No” to volunteering. Never will I raise my hand and say I am the best at walking away from being too busy. Never will I be a poster child for those who are willing let someone else do everything, but I will be the first to sign up for this Instagram message.

Instagram is a social media platform that I am growing to enjoy more and more, but it still overwhelms me (along with Twitter). Today this sweet reminder found its way into my feed and I thought, “Boy, did I need that!”

Okay, so I know the world spins on a tilted axis, and that the battle between good and evil is one that will wage until Armageddon, but there are lots of wonky, unjust, and yucky situations for which we are not called to take up arms.

The barrage of battles reminds me of going to the grocery store, and I have one very solid rule for grocery store shopping. I stick firmly to the rule: If something is not on my grocery list, I am not going to purchase it.

My kids and husband know this rule. They are TERRIBLE at following this rule (Hubby is the worst). For this reason, I never take my husband to the grocery store. When they are with me, I give my children stern, Mom’s-death-stare warnings before entering any grocery/clothing/shoe/farm supply or craft store (Any store really). Continue reading “Put Some Battles Back” →

Pouring From an Empty Cup…

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two clear drinking glasses on table

Photo by Andreea Ch on Pexels.com

The last post that I fully drafted and shared on Intentegy was on February 28th. That was 110 days ago. So for almost a third of this year, I have not shared my Intentergy on this site. (YIKES!)

That’s okay because it’s never healthy to pour from an empty cup.

Each day life has a way of filling us up and draining all we have in one foul swoop. My days, while not all foul, definitely took a lot out of me.

This spring I witnessed, worked through, and experienced many powerful things and survived a number of challenges. Through all of the moments, minutes, hours, and weeks of existing, I continued to gather inspiration for writing, but failed to scrape together time to write.

For my absence I apologize. What I won’t apologize for is saying “No” to writing during this time. My cup was just too empty to eek out a weak post. As a reader, your time is too valuable for me to do that. Continue reading “Pouring From an Empty Cup…” →

You Can’t Beat Those Guys – Wise Words Wednesday

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Cant beat em

“It’s hard to beat the person who never gives up.” – Babe Ruth

You seriously can’t beat someone who never gives up.

It’s that whole “never” thing.

If “never” happens, they “never” record a loss.

Babe Ruth learned a lot about losing things early in life as he faced poverty, being an orphan, and loneliness. In his adulthood, he was successful because he refused to give into the expectations of others. He sought only to follow his own dreams. Of course, he had weaknesses and made mistakes, but Babe Ruth has never been known as someone who caved easily. And that is why his legacy has never dimmed in the realm of baseball.

What about you?

Can you say you are undefeated?

Can you say that you have stuck to your guns?

Can you say that there is any one aspect where you stuck to your “never”? Continue reading “You Can’t Beat Those Guys – Wise Words Wednesday” →